Henry likes to rub in all the awesome things he and Chooch do while I’m biting my nails listening to the hockey game, I mean, working.

He’ll send me pictures of random drunkards stumbling in front of our yard or evidence of whatever totally awesome store they’re in.

Just now, he sent over a picture from Toys R Us, where Chooch has money to burn thanks to his birthday party.

Hello! I want everything on these shelves!

Mostly the Sea Monkeys, which I know is why he had the audacity to send this to me, that fucker. I am in so much pain that I can’t be there, coaxing Chooch into purchasing everything I think he should have.

Fuck, I do really have a thing for Sea Monkeys.

Do the right thing, son!