Big Bob (not to be confused with the Bob I usually mention): You know what I could go for? Some Bel Biv Devoe. *sings “Cool It Now”*
Me: That wasn’t BBD
Big Bob: *ignores me and talks to the other Bob* That was when Bobby Brown was in their group
Me: Yeah, but they were called New Edition
Big Bob: *ignores me still and muses aloud* What were they called?
Me: NEW EDITION.
Big Bob: Oh yeah, right. *turns to Bob* There were five of them, but I don’t know the other one.
Me: Ralph Tresvant.
(Not even trying to get into the later addition of Johnny Gill, because apparently I’m not supposed to offer my input when Big Bob is holding court.)
Big Bob: *ignoring me* The ‘Biv’ of Bel Biv Devoe stands for Bivens. Brian Bivens.
Me: It’s Michael Bivens.
Big Bob: Are you sure? *changes the subject to Depeche Mode, wherein he refers to them as techno*
Last week, he was wearing a Vlad the Impaler t-shirt and my innocent compliment was returned with a fifty thousand word verbal history on the life of Vlad the Impaler and did you know he USED TO IMPALE PEOPLE ON STAKES AND LEAVE THEM WRITHING THERE ALONG THE ROAD AS A WARNING TO OTHERS????
Oh look, he’s wearing that shirt today, too. At least now I know if he ever comes in here wearing a Bel Biv Devoe shirt to keep my fucking mouth shut.