Aug 012010

After my friend Wonka brought his baby Cosette over for show-and-tell several years ago and Henry had a firsthand account of my fear, horror, apprehension and decidedly un-female reaction to babies, he asked, “We’re never having children, are we?”

And then something made me change my mind and I ended up having a baby.

Everyone said, “Oh, now that you have a baby, you’ll love all babies!

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ALL BABIES! Even ones with no arms!”

Well, it’s been four years and I have yet to go out wearing a bonnet and clanging a bell, looking for babies to hold.

Don’t get it twisted – I don’t blacklist my friends once they have children. I love Wonka’s daughters! I love Kara’s son Harland and Christy’s daughter Claire and Jess’s son Gavin, especially now that they’re not infants anymore.

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One of the analysts at my job has twins. They’re babies, less than six months old I think. Or maybe they’re six months. I don’t know. He brought them in one day and I’m sure I was the only asshole who didn’t go running over to their carriers to honk their little baby toys and poke their noses. The entire department was humming with baby talk and cooing.

“Did you go see his babies?” someone asked me on the way back to their office after taking in the ripe aroma of upchuck and soiled Pampers and smiling wildly like these  were the aromas her nasal passages were made to traffic.

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“Yes!” I lied, full of cheer and “I’m a normal lady who loves babies” subterfuge.

I actually broke a slight sweat, waiting for the babies to leave.

  8 Responses to “#45 Babies Make Me Catch Fire!”

  1. Good Morning,

    Hang in there, 2 more hours to go.

    ~ Jess

  2. I’m not a big baby person either. A friend once asked me if I wanted to hold her new baby and I blurted out, “No! Uh, but thank you.” I felt like such an ass stammering out how I liked babies, but I didn’t feel the need to hold every one that crossed my path. I mean, if we’re over for a playdate and the baby starts fussing I’ll pick her up. I’ve even babysat her, but to hold the baby just to hold it. Nuh uh.

    • PS: I recoiled in horror from holding her baby just a couple of months ago so I didn’t have the excuse of not being used to babies either.

    • I’m glad I’m not alone in this. I mean, I love my friends’ kids! My friend Kara’s baby is adorable and I love seeing him and interacting with him, but I freak out holding babies. And if Chooch is around, I get evil eyes.

  3. OMG, that picture is HILARIOUS.

    I’m sorry I wasn’t around for your blogathon! New baby and all that, blah blah blah. <3

  4. I was hoping to see more Mom responses here! Poo.

Say it don't spray it.

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