Oct 242022

I just realized that there is only one weekend of left for haunted housing and I am gutted. It never fails – October slips through my fingers faster than any other stupid month, I swear. I dunno why this shocks me every year?!

Here is a brief rundown of the last two weekends of haunts we did, plus a bonus shot of the new haunted house journals I stocked up on from Spirit! They had so many to choose from – I went in for just one because I only have a few pages left of my current inky tome (that was so stupid that autocorrect desperately wanted to change it to anything but that) but ended up leaving with these 4:

Is it weird that I am 43 and still carrying the torch I lit in 1996 with these godforsaken journals? Maybe. OK probably. But it’s a compulsion now. I literally have to jot down my thoughts on every haunt no matter what. Of course all the gory (LOL I AM SO HILAR TONIGHT) details are up inside those pages, but I always like to memorialize them a bit on here too mostly for ease of searching, like when Chooch and I are fighting over one that I say we’ve been to and he says no. My blog allows me to have victory much faster than dusting off old journals and leafing through the brittle pages.

(Suddenly they’re from the rare book section of the Smithsonian and not Henry’s old SERVICE trunk in my bedroom.)

Two Saturdays ago, Chooch and I went to Scare Manor. I went to this last year with Henry and LOVED it. But this year it was….the same but we went with three older broads that knew people there so everything happened to them and only like one part was fun for the rest of us. I try not to be whiny about that shit, but this was like $20 and not that long so I felt gypped – the chainsaw guy just let Chooch and me stroll right past and didn’t even bother with us! Also, I fell into a big divot in the parking lot when getting out of the car and back in to leave so that was annoying.

And then we went to what appeared to be one of the first Sheetz ever built because it was so small and everyone in there was weird and I was MAD.

The next night, Henry and I went to Demon House and I know, blog, you’re right – I literally told you a few weeks ago that I was writing that one off! But then I found out that they got new owners and it is better so we got some tickets on Groupon and went out to give it a whirl. Right off the bat, I was disoriented because they changed location of the shuttle bus!! It now picks you up at a different parking lot but we couldn’t find where, so we had to actually drive past Demon House and follow the shuttle bus back to the parking lot. That was weird.

As usual, they had a horror movie playing on the outdoor screen. This is the best part of Demon House, truly. You don’t have to stand in line! You get assigned to a group and you slink around the grounds, sipping apple cider by the bonfire, using the portapotty, grabbing a snack at the concession stand like the mom who was in our group and frantically shoveling it in her face when the bell rang and our number was called.

Then her husband asked the Demon House girl what movie that was playing over there. She didn’t know, so Henry and I said, “Evil Dead” in tandem and everyone just looked at us blankly. So, then she was like, “Let me ask these other clueless Demon House broads” because apparently, we weren’t a credible source.

One of the broads said, “Paranormal Activity” to which Henry and I were like, “HON THAT AIN’T IT” so then she quickly added, “Of if it’s not that, it’s Friday the 13th.”

“It’s Evil Dead,” Henry said to the guy in a tone that screamed, “Look bro, we look like we are of the same ilk, cut from the same blue collared cloth, constantly misplacing tools. You gotta take my word for this” AND I STILL DON’T THINK HE BELIEVED US.

I was screaming inside my face.


Anyway, Demon House was fine. There was one really big scare that I got because I was at the end and turning around to close a door so somehow that simple, everyday action found me with my guard down, and some scare actor was behind the door. Then he chased me down the hall and I legot threw my back out a little, so that happened.

Other than that, it was same-old. It’s a good one of the GP but I just really want more.

This past Friday, Henry and I went to TAVERN OF TERROR! It was my first time at Allen’s Haunted Hayride in 5 or so years and I definitely was fine passing up the hayride portion and just doing the walk-thru. Allen’s is like the OG hayride in the area and it’s OK! It just takes a lot for hayrides to really feel worth it to me. And the last time we were there, it was Allen’s inaugural season for the Tavern, so I was interested to see how it was holding up.

I was adamant about getting my Haechan penchant in this shot, lol.

Anyway, it was SO CROWDED there, being a Friday night and all, but hardly anyone was in line for the tavern! Probably most people get the combo ticket to do both, and then do the hayride first. We stood in line to buy the ticket almost as long as we waited for the actual haunt!

There were SO MANY young kids in line with us, which was under a canopy, and they were making my head hurt badly with their loud-ass mouths. I kept exclaiming, ‘WHY IS IT NECCESSARY FOR THEM TO SCREAM INSTEAD OF TALKING??” At one point, it got really quiet and Henry pointed out that it was because their group had gone inside. That’s when I realized that my ears were actually ringing in their absence.

We got to go inside just the two of us, and I am here to tell you that this was AWESOME. The scare actors were relentless, hilarious, and super sneaky. I loved that there were like, secret doors and openings, and it was actually amazing to see how they turned such a small space into a bunch of winding hallways and atmospheric rooms.

I was so fucking stoked about this the whole way home. I loved it!

Then on Saturday, all three of us went to Portals of Fear in West Mifflin. It’s done by a local youth group and listen Linda, those usually prove to be the best ones.

And yeah, as expected, this one was FUN, STARTLING, CHAOTIC, OLD-SCHOOL. I think I screamed, “OMG LOL” in every single room. And somehow someone there knew Chooch because at one point, all the kids started yelling, “Riley! Riley’s here!” and as you know, we never call him that so they definitely didn’t hear it from us! He said he has no idea how this could possibly be because he doesn’t know anyone from West Mifflin?!

Meanwhile, as the ticket lady shredded our tickets while giving us the rules before we went inside, my soul died a little and I couldn’t even pay attention to what she was saying, hearing her distant voice being pulled like taffy while I silently watched my ticket perish. I asked if I could have back just a piece of the ticket because I always keep my haunted house ticket stubs and she was like, “Oh no I’m so sorry I ripped them all up” and then she looked all around for someone to fall out of the sky with a solution. The guy sitting next to her said, “Oh, I can just get you a whole one if you want?” and he didn’t even have to plummet from the sky first. I practically screamed OH THANK U ITS FOR MY HAUNTED HOUSE JOURNALS WHICH I HAVE BEEN KEEPING SINCE 1996 and I’m sure that is a moment Chooch is filing away in the MOTHER, EMBARRASSMENTS drawer.

This Thursday, Janna and I (and maybe Chooch if he doesn’t have to work because he finally got a new job – at Dunkin’) will be going on our annual pilgrimage to Rich’s Fright Farm, and I still haven’t ironed out exactly what I want to want to do on Friday and/or Saturday. We’re considering going to Cedar Point on Sunday, and then next Friday is LIGHTS OUT at Wells Township Haunted House! And then….I guess that’s it.  For as many haunts as I’ve gone to this season, I will be honest and say that this October has felt kind of off and I don’t know why?! Other than NCT127 was right smack in the middle of that and it really stressed me and had my emotions on overdrive, so that could have a lot to with it. Oh, and Halloween Ends really was a joykill too

So far, I think Castle Blood and Crawford School of Terror are tied for #1.

Say it don't spray it.

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