Jul 212008
 

Was just outside on break, having Tina lecture me about how someday I’ll have to grow up (gasp) and that my thirtieth birthday is really going to hit me hard. I stamped my foot and was all, "Whatev! I want to wear Volcom hoodies and Draven shoes and cut out my heart to screamo music forev and ev."

Kim, on the other hand, prefers to perpetuate my immaturity and had me teaching her various Internet-spawned slang to give her vocab that added obnoxious touch. Basically, I just recounted all the things Christina and I say that started out satirically but now I think we say them in srs-ness; things that make Henry turn up the volume on the TV when she’s visiting.

We went through the regs: OMG, WTF, BTW. Sounding out LOL instead of saying L-O-L.  Adding z0rz to words to give a veritable face-punch of immaturity. Owellz0rz!

Tina kept grinding her teeth and groaning, "Oh Jesus Christ," proving the validity to my lesson. "Who talks like that?" she demanded in disgust, her weener likely growing more flaccid by the second. She’s probably hunkered down over her desk as I type this, ripping open more of her "bug bites" in Erin-induced agitation.

"Erin does," Kim said cheerfully, flipping her hair in mockery. "Now I know why she’s so quiet in our meetings — no one would know what the fuck she’s saying."

Walking back inside, I said, "You can also add -sies to the end of things for that extra ridic boost of cuteness. Lolsies!" They started ignoring me after that. It’s just as well — anything beyond that would likely be too advanced for them. Whatevelyn.

  6 Responses to “Teaching the Elderly: The e-Colloquialism Chapter”

  1. Jesus Christ, lol.

  2. “Whatev! I want to wear Volcom hoodies and Draven shoes and cut out my heart to screamo music forev and ev.”

    AND YOU WILL!!!!!!!!! THANK GOD!

    • I was trying to think of other shit we say, like wi-five brosef, etc, but I didn’t feel like trying to explain it. So I stuck with the simple shit that like, kids learn in preschool nowadays.

  3. inorite. i’m 27 with blue hair. i just bought my first pair of cons and i don’t own a winter coat. i just layer my hoodies. oh, wellz.

    nick and i quote lolcats at each other. or random macro titles. we throw around a lot of “fail”s and “you’re doing it wrong”s.

    • Srsly! And also, us womans are s’posed to have babies and then start dressing in shapeless sweaters and khakis and stop listening to good music in favor of top 40. It’s all in the handbook!

      Ugh. I’m so tired of people trying to make me be old and strip me of who I am.

      P.S. I can’t even imagine you without blue hair.

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