I’m going to try and follow the rules as much as I can.
1. Link the person back who awarded you
2. Share 7 things about yourself
3. Answer the following questions below
4. Award this to 15 bloggers

Seven things about myself:

1. Randomly-strewn items across my house pull my Bi-Polar Lever. If Henry leaves his socks on the floor, I throw them in the garbage. Bro is 46 fucking years old. He knows where the hamper is.
2. I love jelly on my grilled cheeses.
3. I have a slight problem with anthropomorphism. For example, I hate leaving my shopping cart alone and always try to choose a cart return that has other carts already in it. WHY SHOULD ANY SHOPPING CART HAVE TO FEEL ALONE LIKE ME?
4. Ska is my least favorite genre of music. I think it’s just too happy-sounding for me. You know how people will say, “I like everything but country”? Give me country before you give me ska. In fact, don’t give me ska at all. I’d rather listen to Katy Perry and Jessica Simpson have a yodel-off.
5. I hate Katy Perry & Jessica Simpson.  I’d consider quitting my day job (night job, as it were) to be the president of their hate club. FOR FREE.
6. For a minute in high school, I considered going to college for sit-com writing. Instead, I dropped out of high school. Look how awesome I turned out.
7. I have a pretty sizeable inferiority complex.

Questions:
Name your favorite color-
purple, pink, puke

Name your favorite song-
This is an impossible question. Damn you for asking it. But let’s just say this morning I turned up the radio real loud because a commercial for a restaurant with “In the Air Tonight” was playing in the background.

Name your favorite dessert-
All of it? I don’t know. It doesn’t seem very fair to pick favorites. Henry will probably tell me I’m being racist, because apparently being racist is the only thing I excel at. Cherry pie almost always pleases me. But that’s just because I’m racist against all the other berries.

What wizzes you off-
When Henry doesn’t let me wizz him off.

When you’re upset you-
Beat bitches up. In 99.9% of all cases, the “bitches” are “Henrys.” I also break the fuck out of breakables, which is why factories in China make them in the first place.

Runner-up: Listen to screamo real loud and cry.

Your favorite pet-
MARCY, THE BEST CAT EVER. But don’t tell Don, Willie, Nicotina, FRANCIS! or Henry.

There was also that pet orange I had in 10th grade that was a real good pal to me.

Black or white-
OMG WHAT A RACIST QUESTION, RIGHT HENRY??

Mulatto, for sure.

Your biggest fear-
Having to go to Alaska. Fuck Alaska! Scariest place in the world with all that icy water and non-sexy vampires. Also, falling inside of a water tower. Having river water touch my delicate skin. Clearly I’m horrified of water, which is probably why I stink so bad.

best feature-
Being so obnoxious, immature and flighty that people are shocked to find out I’m a mom. In fact, I believe “juvenile” is the most-used word Henry chooses to describe me. Close second: fucking psychopathic whore-bitch.

Everyday attitude-
Stay posi.

J/K. That’s for pussies & nancies.

I guess my attitude is STRANGER DANGER. Every time I walk out the door, it’s social fail.
What is perfection-
The Cure’s Disintegration.

Vanilla Pastry Studio cupcakes.

My child during those rare 15 minutes a week he’s not making me regret things.

Guilty pleasure-
MTV reality, specifically The Real World and all the various incarnations of The Challenge.

Uncooked tortellini

Ke$ha, replacing Lady Gaga who just isn’t weird enough for me anymore.

Xiu Xiu

Um, I’m not popular enough to know 15 other bloggers.

stutterbrain.

mrs.evils

the real mean girl

onyx and alabaster

josh

If you are reading this and have a blog, congratulations! It’s your turn.