Aug 042019

We made it to Ildong today around 11:00am and took a taxi to Pocheon Art Valley for some super sweltering hot fun times before it was time to check in to Dolce Bita (G-Dragon’s pension), all of which I will post about later because right now I’m sitting in the VIP room of G-Dragon’s pension, eating a strawberry sandwich & drinking banana milk with Running Man on TV – exactly where I belong! Korea is my favorite forever.

Family portrait in the mirror of the VIP room’s foyer!

There’s this guy staying in one of the rooms below ours who was laying out earlier and he was SO NICE LOOKING so I was calling him my boyfriend. Later, Chooch was like OH YOUR BF IS ON THE MOVE! I SAW HIM AND ALL OF HIS MUSCLES WALKING AROUND and he told me to look, so I did and he called me a creep?! HE WAS THE ONE WHO WAS LOOKING!!!

We’re supposed to be “relaxing” today since we’ve been so go-go-go for this entire trip and that seemed like a great idea until I got here, in the Middle Of Nowhere, Korea, and remembered that I do not have the ability to relax, ever.

Oh and for anyone who thinks G-Dragon isn’t popular anymore because of BTS, this joint is all booked up.

I brought a book with me so I guess I could try and be a lazy oaf like Henry and read that for a while but it’s not that great – It’s called Baby Teeth and I didn’t know it at the time I checked it out of the library, but it’s written by some broad who lives in Pittsburgh so its super Pittsburghy right down to some stupid comment about how the main character had travel ALL THE WAY TO THE SOUTH HILLS for a doctors appointment, like go fuck yourself, really. All of the characters are insufferable. It’s about a 7-year-old girl who won’t speak and hates her mom and starts doing terrible things to her when the dad isn’t around, and the dad doesn’t believe the mom, who has Crohn’s and every fucking chapter talks in gory detail about various Crohns-related surgeries she’s had and fistulas and packing wounds and I can’t even feel bad for her because I hate her and I hate the daughter and just wish she would die and the dad is such a fucking Swedish creepball, I hate the whole damn family and want a meteor to hit their stupid Hygge house in Shadyside.

I think that’s Danish.

So, yuppie IKEA house in Shadyside.

Meanwhile, Chooch has read two books since we’ve been here (in Korea) and loved both.

Speaking of Chooch, he was straight stalking a Corgi at Pocheon Art Valley today. First, the dog ran up to him barking but his owners called him back and Chooch was like HE WASNT GOING TO ATTACK ME, CORGIS LOVE ME. So then suddenly the Art Valley was super interesting to him and he was determined to pet the dog, to the point where he google translated “can I pet your dog” in Korean.

Here he is at the bottom of a hill, hot on the corgi’s trail. When I caught up to him, he was searching Instagram for the Corgi because according to him, it looked like the owners were doing a photo shoot with him and, like, “all corgis have an Instagram.”

I pointed out that Spencer, the local Corgi, doesn’t have one so now Chooch is going to suggest to his owner Bob that he start one and let Chooch be Spencer’s social media manager.

Anyway, tomorrow is our last day here and I’m panicking about it. We did so much more this time but it still feels like NOT ENOUGH.

Oh well. I will have a full report on the pension, and the Ildong and Pocheon area once I get home and get my thoughts together, but this place is definitely idyllic, especially if you’re the type of person who enjoys vegging out with beautiful nature and pictures of G-Dragon around you!

Ok, Henry just brought out the soju so maybe relaxation won’t be so hard to achieve after all.

UPDATE: GD’s dad is here!!

He was sitting outside when we went out for a walk and very cordially said hello to us but I did NOT have the nerve to ask for a photo, I’m a failure.

Also, some black dog left his owners who were hanging outside of a neighboring pension and decided to tag along with us and it was super awkward bc we were like “go home doggie” but he opted to go down and chill alone by the lake.

Meanwhile, a group of drunk disorderlies stumbled past us and I was like “oh god please don’t be American, you’re going to make everyone here hate us” but one of them screamed, “WE’RE RUSSIAN” to the dog owner who was walking with us in an attempt to get his dog back and I was like THANK GOD and also once they were close to us it was obviously they were Russian because they all looked like hockey players. I stereotype.

Anyway we walked to this cute cafe for an evening iced latte (me), a strawberry smoothie (Chooch) and a Hoegaarten (Henry the Hoe) and it was one of those times where being able to read Korean cane in handy because the whole menu was in Hanguel. A really sweet young girl waited on us and she seemed happy to help us bumbling foreigners. It’s tough the farther you get outside of Seoul because English is rare but it really says something to be on the other side every now and again. Americans take so much for granted!

Now we’re sitting on our patio, Chooch is in the pool, and we’re listening to the people below us talk while barbecuing and maybe slowing down for a night isn’t so bad after all.

Say it don't spray it.

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