Sep 172019
 

Hello hello hello. Here are some pictures and whatever to memorialize this past weekend, which was a nice one, no complaints.

First, we went to the Pittsburgh magnet school fair thing and I’m not great at things like this because I never come prepared with questions like the one dumb bitch mom with mini-Princess Leia braids who rudely cut in when Chooch and I were talking to the admissions/Japanese teacher from one of the magnet schools Chooch has his eyes on. Yeah, this stupid C-U-NEXT-TUESDAY totally sidled on up and interrupted to tell this guy that they moved here from California and her dumb daughter, who is in 5th grade, used to be fluent in Spanish but since moving to this dump of a city, she has not had the opportunity to use it and can his school help, blah blah blah.

I was just glared at her. Like, are you fucking kidding me? Maybe in California dumb coozes like you don’t wait in line, but here IN MY CITY, WE WAIT OUR GODDAMN TURN.

Jesus!

Anyway, I want Chooch to go to this school and take Japanese.

Afterward, we went straight to Monroeville to attend Wendy’s daughter Summer’s 4th birthday party at Sky Zone. I have never been to one of these trampoline park things before, but I decided that I would also be jumping along with the party-goers so I made Henry pay for me and Wendy was like, “I hope Henry signed a waiver for you!”

Anyway, aside from Wendy’s husband and his one friend, I was the only other adult jumping so that was kind of weird, and I have to admit that I was SUPER HESITANT about this at first because I am an old hag now as of July 30th, and I was so afraid of breaking a bone or 8. I basically clung to Chooch and he was getting angry because he wanted to go and do the obstacle course stuff but I didn’t want him to leave me alone in the big basic trampoline area and then I kept getting paranoid that one of the bored-looking referee boys were going to police me for doing something wrong, maybe for hogging the same trampoline in the corner, and I hate getting yelled at in front of people but thank god I made it through the full 90 minutes without having a whistle blown at me.

The only other things I tried was the foam pit because Chooch said I could practice doing flips there and that was fine but I LOST ONE OF MY SKY ZONE SOCKS IN THERE and I was making Chooch search for it when Henry came shuffling over like he was the Sky Zone Sheriff and said, “Why don’t you just ask for a new sock?” so I went over to the sock counter and cried, “I LOST A SOCK!!!” and the nice boy said, “It’s OK!” in a soothing tone and gave me a new pack of socks and then I had an extra sock which I tried not to fixate on.

I made Henry keep my spare in his back pocket.

I also attempted to play dodgeball but it was just Chooch and me with three kids across from us and none of them would throw the ball at me because I think they were afraid of breaking the old hag.

Chooch eventually talked me into doing a flip, and I did one but then I folded forward really hard when I landed and felt things shift in my back so that was exciting.

Also, I made friends with a preteen girl who was trying to coax me into trying new things but her peer pressure didn’t work on me because I didn’t want this to be how I find out if my medical insurance is meh or shit.

But oh, for God’s sake, did I have so much fun! I jumped for nearly the full 90 minutes and I was a FUCKING SWEATBALL by the time our session ended and we went up to the party room for pizza and cake. Wendy thought it was hilarious and she told our boss about it at work on Monday—I don’t care, I want everyone to know that I am a JUMPING SUPERSTAR.

Rolling skating what? I’m a trampoline queen now.

Immediately after the party, Henry took me straight to Commonplace Coffee in Point Breeze to meet Jiyong, whom I haven’t seen in several weeks because she was on vacation. It was so nice to see her again! She hadn’t heard about Super M yet, so I got to tell her about that and then we talked about k-dramas and then she laughed at me because now I’m following that Korean celebrity that I saw at Incheon Airport and she thought it was the funniest thing, but I was like, “What?!!? I’m obsessed with him now!”

I really do appreciate our friendship! My Korean still sucks so bad, but it’s really nice having a new friend!

When we came home, Calvin spotted us from his window so Henry had to go and get him or he will throw a fit because he’s currently obsessed with coming to our house.

Everything was going swimmingly in our nonsensical Lego project until Calvin inexplicably disagreed with the placement of one of the pieces I put on and flipped out. I’m such a disappointment!

Then it was the next day!

Henry made Kodiak pancakes!

They were OK!

Also, I was in Big Pain from my liaison with the trampoline. But it was, curiously, my SHOULDERS that were sore, not my legs. Then I realized it was because I spent the whole time throwing my arms up in the air to propel myself higher. “Yeah, you looked like a big idiot too,” Chooch said.

Started to type in Silver Dollar City in YouTube, Silver Spoons theme came up, clicked it, watched a Guess the 80s Sitcom by Theme Song video, started thinking about how much I loved Moonlighting, and that’s how I spent my Sunday morning watching Al Jarreau videos.

Later that afternoon, Henry and I went to visit our Original Four Cats, our (s)Quad if you will, at the pet cemetery because it was Chuseok (that’s kind of like Korean Thanksgiving, if you will, where they honor their deceased family members).

Admittedly, it’s been a minute since we last came out here, not because we forgot about the cats, oh for God’s sake, I talk about that little babies all the time still! Just…life, you know?

I was excited to see that they built an actual Rainbow Bridge since I last was there! So excited that I cried.

And then we couldn’t find the damn graves because the plaques had sunken into the ground (not just ours—most of them it seemed!) so Henry started stabbing the ground with a knife that he got from our car and the whole time I was like why does he have this weird hunting knife thing in the car is he hunting humans when he’s allegedly “at the store?”

Anyway, he found some other plaques but not ours so now we have to go back when the damn office is open and seek help and a map.

I was really upset about this and screamed THIS IS THE WORST CHUSEOK EVER and Henry was like OK but it’s not Chuseok for us because we’re not Korean so…

…and then that made me even more upset because thanks for the reminder!

We went to get ice cream at Al’s Cone Zone afterward and I got raspberry Dole Whip which tasted SOUR AND DISGUSTING so I THREW IT IN THE GARBAGE and stormed back to the car and MAYBE THIS HAD MORE TO DO WITH CAT SADNESS THAN ICE CREAM PICKINESS BUT OH WELL.

And this has nothing to do about the weekend but Chooch’s one teacher uses this stupid fucking app to give kids points for participation or whatever and I discovered the other day that parents can also add to this when the kid does shit around the house.

Chooch is obsessed with it because the more GP or whatever it’s called that you collect, the more powers your stupid character has. I don’t know. It seemed dumb to me but I gave him 10 points for washing the dishes so whatever.

Anyway, just now Henry was bitching because no one ever turns off the downstairs lights before going to bed and Chooch cried, “it wasn’t me! She was still down here when I went to bed!”

WELL THIS WAS ABSURD because I distinctly remembered walking past that little asshole when I went up to bed – he was still sitting at the computer to be exact!!

So we started arguing about this and I went into that dumb app and did a custom thing where I DEDUCTED TEN POINTS FOR LYING and he didn’t think I was going to do it BUT I DID and he’s lucky I didn’t go after 500 like I was originally threatening to do!

LOLOLOLOL.

“Great. Everyone can see that,” he said.

WELL MAYBE DONT LIE TO YOUR PARENTS, YOU BIG STOOP.

“You shouldn’t have told her about that app,” Henry said before going up to bed.

And do you think any of us will turn the lights off tonight? LOL.

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