This was supposed to be a Friday Five but my blog broke and wouldn’t allow me to upload the pictures I wanted to add so I had to wait for my IT Team (see also: Henry) to investigate and troubleshoot only to concede and call WordPress or whoever, I dunno who he called, but when they called him back, he was UNAVAILABLE so things are still not resolved as of Saturday morning. I figured I could at least get the word portion of this shit post down while waiting for Henry to do NOTHING (he’s currently in the kitchen making his gourmet breakfast – literally has been caressing some scrambled concoction on the stove for a solid 15 minutes, going back and forth from the fridge with more impromptu ingredients).
I guess this will just be a post without pictures, I dunno.
- The Family Who Drinks Water Together…
I saw a tweet the other day where someone was asking, “Has anyone over the age of 40 actually seen their parents drink water” and it made me pause, because NO. NO I HAVEN’T. This sent me on a spiral, squeezing my brain for every instance of a family meal I could conjure, and NO WE NEVER DRANK WATER, and in addition to that, WE NEVER DRANK THE COMPLIMENTARY WATER provided to us at restaurants. Holy shit, this is real. We drank MILK (prob Vitamin D) out of FROSTED MUGS with dinner. My dad had like 4 legit vintage pop machines in the garage, we always had 2 liters of Fresca and some Ruby Red shit that my mom liked, and tons of sugary juice to wash down our bowls of sugary cereals in the AM – it is no wonder I have spent most of my life struggling with my weight!!! I was doomed from the start!
I never acknowledged “water as bev” even into my TWENTIES. I relied on Mountain Dew and, I dunno, wine coolers exclusively for hydration until one of my friends was like, “Do you not drink water? YOUR TEETH ARE GOING TO ROT!” And then I started panicking because ew. So eventually I got on the H2O wagon but I had to use flavored water as training wheels for a bit.
Now as an adult with my own family, we never have pop in our house. The liquid portion of my diet consists solely of water, coffee, and kombucha. Thank you.
2. Chooch’s HARD TRUTHS learned at McDonald’s
Apparently, Chooch’s friend (who works less than him) got a raise. Chooch was furious about this. “Why did he get a raise?” I asked. “I dunno, because he asked for one,” Chooch scoffed.
“So…ask for one!” I cried, because le duh right?
Chooch started sputtering off about how he doesn’t know how to do that and this blows my mind because Chooch is a fucking go-getter and I literally cannot imagine him at any sort of crossroads over this. So I started giving him suggestions of ways to ask for a raise which is actually so rich considering I HAVE NEVER ASKED FOR A RAISE MYSELF.
“I’m just so mad that I work harder than everyone else, but get paid less,” Chooch huffed. OH SONNY BOY, that ain’t just a McD’s thang. That is what we call THE FUCKING REAL WORLD.
3. Spring Break Stress
You might recall several posts ago I alluded to our spring break trip and said something about how I didn’t want to give any details because we had already changed the itinerary/destination 4 or 5 times since November and I didn’t want to jinx anything. Well, just the mere mention was enough because LITERALLY THE NEXT NIGHT we were in the process of securing hotels, etc. and something made me look up the operating times for one of the parks we had on the list, and um…they changed their dates…
….to weekends only.
So out of curiosity, I looked up the other two parks we were going to hit in the same state, AND UM, SAME THING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. The whole entire reason we even planned this road trip was because that state had theme parks that were open EVERY DAY in April.
This sounds so whiny and First World Probs-ish, and I get that. But I’m mostly just kind of in a state of shocked hilarity because we have really weird luck with spring breaks. We have a new destination that is going to sadly cost us a ton more but I guess that is price we have to pay in order make FAMILY MEMORIES???
Henry was like, “We can still go to the other place another time,” and I literally stamped my feet and cried, “BUT I WANTED TO GO THIS TIME!!” LOL – the Veruca Salt side of my personality was 100% primped and primed by one John Stonick aka Oh Honestly, Pappap. Henry used to try to rehabilitate my spoiledness, but um….you see how well that’s worked.
So anyway, we have a NEW itinerary in place now and I just want to say that I am well aware of the fact that I am in a position to even go away AT ALL with my family, especially considering it wasn’t that long ago when we struggled to even afford a weekend vacation. Remembering that brought me back down to earth RULL QUICK.
On the bright side, it’s given me brand new vegan places to investigate because I like to be prepared when we go to other cities so that Chooch and I are properly and efficiently fed with little room for the HANGER PAINS to manifest.
Me, to Henry: “Do you hate going to vegan places when we travel?”
Me, answering for him in my Henry Voice: “No I don’t really care I just like to eat food.”
Me, back as Erin again: *Cracks self up*
Henry: *tunes out entire scene*
4. BLOG UPDATE:
HENRY IS ON THE PHONE WITH THE BLOG PEOPLE RIGHT NOW AND HAD TO GIVE THEM MY BLOG NAME AND ADDRESS – HELLO BLOG FIXER, IF YOU ARE SEEING THIS!
5. SHEEPISH STENCH
Henry smiled and waved sheepishly. “Sorry, I didn’t realize it was going to stink that bad when I sprayed it.”
UGH OF COURSE THE OFFENDER WOULD BE HENRY. A full hour later and I was still sneezing.