Apr 292008


 My crazy aunt Sharon offered up my grandma’s porch for Chooch’s birthday party. Of course, she was in charge of the guest list, which she was adamant about keeping short and sweet. I was afraid to invite Henry’s kids for fear of suffering her impatient huffs and sighs. In fact, I was afraid to even invite MYSELF. But I kept my cool because the whole point of having it there was so my grandma could attend.

However, Henry was so turned off by the whole thing that he just had his mom and sister come over our house Friday night for cupcakes. (And also because we segregate our families. Completely not normal.)

In the end, I demanded that Janna and Christina at least be able to come. They’re my best friends and it would have been weird without them.

 And of course, at the last minute, Sharon called me to see if Henry’s kids were coming.

"No, I didn’t think I was allowed to invite them," I said, slightly snottily. Christina was sitting next to me and her eyes kind of widened. She told me later that she was afraid I was about to ignite some sort of family warfare, moments before the start of Chooch’s party.

"Of course they’re invited!" Sharon said sweetly. "You guys will only be here for an hour, what do I care who comes?"

Oh did I mention that? The party was only allowed to be an hour long. I joked on the way there that probably we’d pull into the driveway and Sharon would hand us cake slices in to-go bags and send us on our way. But I wasn’t really joking.



In typical Sharon fashion, she gifted him with a bunch of stuff that no kid would ever want for his birthday: A cars wastebasket and shower curtain complete with cars shower rod hangers, and a bath mat with…blue daisies on it.


"Does he like flowers?" she asked.

Don’t all two-year-old boys like flowers? Like any other kid, he demands no less than five Lalique vases in his room, filled with the most pungent bouquet of daffodils. In fact, we just had him at the hospital last week, having a bunch of lilacs extracted from his nose.

We all kind of glanced around the table at each other, slinging "WTF?" expressions every time Sharon would turn her back. I mean, for a two-year-old? Home decor?

My grandma ended up having a bad headache (or so Sharon says; I think she’s holding her hostage), so she was unable to leave her bedroom. Chooch went in to visit her, and I gave him a dandelion from the yard to give to her, which Sharon took credit for. Then after meeting her socialization quota for the month, my mom wandered off into the den  to watch the Pens game. (Yay, Pens, btw.)


In the end, all that mattered was that Chooch had fun, Sharon was actually personable and didn’t kick us out after one hour exactly, and there was good cake, of which I ate plenty (with the Pennsylvania Vanilla ice cream I bought all by myself and with my own money!)



  13 Responses to “Chooch’s Birthday Soiree”

  1. chooch is such a handsome!!!

    i’m so glad that i got to come…

    p.s that cake WAS good.

  2. I’m glad to hear Chooch now has the finest in bathroom decor….
    that’s a fucked up gift for a two year old.

    I’m also glad you guys had a good time.
    He’s too freakin cute.

  3. I SWEAR that beautiful baby was designed by an artist. So perfectly perfect in every way. :):)

  4. Look at that little man! I can’t believe he’s two!

    Bathroom crap for a two year old? Wtf?

    That is a very cool and very large porch.

    I want cake.

    • I know, he’s growing way too fast!

      Sharon is so bizarre. I know she means well, at least. But still — most people shop for a kid at Toys r Us, not Altmeyers!

  5. It sometimes confuses me when I see Chooch’s real name written somewhere. I always forget that he has one!

  6. “I mean, for a two-year-old? Home decor?”

    *cracking up* That sort of thing belongs on baby registries, and not wrapped up and presented to the actual baby; I agree.

    Which reminds me, I will seek your help once more in the gift department as Sadie turns two. Because skunk slippers are not enough, and she loved that bathtub sink from Sassy you suggested.

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