Aug 14 2008

Tweets from the Xmas Card Sweat Shop

Category: tweets

Urgent. Will die without reading.

  • 09:43 I wish the fair in the Hidden Valley Ranch commercial was real. I’d have my next birthday party there. #
  • 11:14 Tried with no success to remove a stuck nickel from Chooch’s wagon. Two seconds later he says MOMMY LOOK as he rescues it with ease. Bested by a 2yo. Great.  #
  • 11:14 I was even using a KNIFE for shits sake. #
  • 11:22 Chooch & I walked to the bank. Didn’t realize how filthy he was until we were standing in front of the teller. me & my boxcar kid. #
  • 15:20 Its peanut butter murder time. #
  • 16:00 Three banks, one bill collector brouhaha, and a post office later, and now you can hardboil eggs in my blood. #
  • 16:26 U know ur in erin’s crib when u hear things like: Give me a Gacy. We’re out of Dahmers. You got glue on Bathory! Got an order for 2 Geins. #
  • 17:10 Setting up a liposuction soda shop on my back porch. Free refills with purchase of large frothy fat float. #
  • 17:56 twitpic.com/7l77 – Dear Twitter, don’t know what this is, but its good. #
  • 10:29 If I was president, an infinite surplus of bubbles would fill the air. And there would be nude traveling circuses. #
  • 10:38 This morning, I inadvertently listened to worship music & liked it. Satan will surely rape me w/ corn cobs tonight for my penance. #

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7 comments

7 Comments so far

  1. Bueno Mexicana August 14th, 2008 1:09 pm

    This morning, I inadvertently listened to worship music & liked it. Satan will surely rape me w/ corn cobs tonight for my penance. #

    does this mean we can go to church?

    16:00 Three banks, one bill collector brouhaha, and a post office later, and now you can hardboil eggs in my blood. #

    not that i’m happy that you were that angry-
    but i DO love the way you say things. best.

  2. Tuna Tar-Tart August 14th, 2008 4:52 pm

    At least you’re not fixating on Chooch and the stuck penny.

  3. priest August 14th, 2008 4:37 pm

    I’m sure you probably loosened the penny, lol.

  4. Tuna Tar-Tart August 14th, 2008 4:51 pm

    No, he knew the whole time that the bucket part of the wagon lifted up, and that’s where the penny was wedged. He gave me this look like he was thinking, “Yeah, THAT was real hard, you retard.”

  5. Jess August 14th, 2008 4:43 pm

    Is “Chooch’s wagon” a euphemism?

  6. Tuna Tar-Tart August 14th, 2008 4:51 pm

    Ew.

  7. Alyson Hell August 15th, 2008 10:17 am

    “I wish the fair in the Hidden Valley Ranch commercial was real. I’d have my next birthday party there.”

    *LOSING IT*

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