Rotten Tweet Goulash

tweets

Oct 272008

Urgent. Will die without reading.

17:07 My boss just noticed my Michael Myers ring, stepped back and said “girl, ur scaring me. Like, I’m afraid ur gonna chop me up or something.” #
17:18 Do not list new items on etsy & type descriptions w/ a toddler on your lap, lest u want ppl to think English is ur 2nd language. #
20:09 My co-worker suzette said I’m too sweet to be a whip-cracker and I said “yes ma’am u sure is right. I is an angel.” #
21:08 Henrys bitching bc our waitress is doting on me and ignoring him. “She probably thinks I’m a celebrity,” I said. “It happens.” #

13:45 Me, upon Henry’s arrival: “Chooch is in the land where assholes lie.” Henry: “Oh, in your room?” #
16:33 Just yesterday I was like “you know, I could go for a nice paper cut on the knuckle.” Today, God answered my prayer. Blessed be. #
18:11 It smells like a scene kid sleepover is a’brew!! #
19:59 Perhaps if my co-biller wasn’t on the phone so much, this wouldn’t be taking “so long.” #
12:33 Sometimes I feel that if not for Henry, I’d be comatose behind a dive bar w/ a needle sticking out of my arm, like, every Friday nite. #

13:00 me: “are all kids this whiney and insistent?” Henry: “Yes, and so are 29-year-olds who sit beside me.” #
16:11 Took Chooch to the Castle Blood no-scare walk thru where a 60+ vampire blatantly stared at my chest. Wanted: shower & antiseptic soap. #
17:01 Erin’s living hell defined: sitting next to HENRY at King’s with a fucking FOOTBALLl game blaring above my head. #
17:02 Chooch just called it “shitball”. Yes, son. That is correct. #
18:53 About to get massacred on the hill and no one else is here. #
19:15 This place is run by very scary people, including a shrill ticket lady named Vicky. #
20:29 Just witnessed a trucker saying goodbye to his woman and Henry mumbled “wish that was me” #
20:52 I feel like I survived a bus-tipping with the other six ppl who stood in line for an hour with us. #
20:54 Henry gave me a hairy eye-balling for my interpretative dancing to 3oh3. IT WAS HOTTTT tho. Dancey dancey whut. #