Nov 092008

Urgent. Will die without reading.

  • 13:52 If there was any doubt Chooch was my son, he’s dipping his grilled cheese in jelly. #
  • 10:56 Today my mom told me I’m uneducated and ignorant. I told her I’d rather just spend Thanksgiving at Dennys than eat at a racist’s house. #
  • 11:00 Its impossible to fake a relationship with someone you’ve pretty much hated your whole life. #
  • 14:28 Its awesome that the only word my kid can spell is tit. #
  • 17:30 Walked in on my boss asking someone if they’d fuck a female Bigfoot. I would…as long as she wasn’t too mangey. #
  • 17:33 Now he’s asking a dock worker “if Bigfoot raped u, would u shoot it” & the dock worker is getting upset, refusing to answer. #
  • 00:07 One way to un-suck a day: watch the RW/RR Reunion on MTV and take comfort in OTHER PPL’S drama. Then get drunk and break glass. #
  • 00:11 I live with an absolute fucking pig. #



  • 10:13 A day for the history books: someone just ate something I made and said “MMGOOD”. Granted, that person is 2 and also eats cat fur. #
  • 10:14 And then he sneezed a mouthful of oatmeal in my face. I think in some parts, that’s considered a good rating. #
  • 16:50 There is no way I’d ever try to trainjump. #
  • 20:44 Important fact I learned at work: college students shouldn’t be allowed to vote bc they are brainwashed by the liberal profs. #
  • 01:00 You know when the convo starts w/ “either sean or rush said it…”its gonna be good. . #



  • 09:46 During my frenzy to get ready to leave for buffalo, some asshole crashed his H3 outside my house, knocking out the electricity. NOZZLE. #
  • 10:13 And I just called a cop a retard and now I have to drive past him again. #
  • 13:36 I owe a toll booth worker $1.25. I hope he doesn’t send someone to crowbar my knees. #
  • 13:39 Henry always treats me like his teenage daughter, then this morning he said “You’re not a kid”. Henry I’m confused. #
  • 14:39 – Sitting in Max’s Grill, writing truths about Christina in my vacation journal. #
  • 15:40 Christina’s showing me a condom she brought in case I get lucky after tonite’s show. I laughed then asked “srsly–why do u have that?” #
  • 15:52 I just pushed open someones hotel room and they came after me. Its a good thing my legs are used to helping me flee the scene. #
  • 17:14 Most definitely certain I am the only fully developed woman at this show. Oh. And christina. (Debatable.) #
  • 17:30 There’s nothing worse than the crackled shouting of a boy who hasn’t fully reached puberty. Ok, anal rape — MAYBE. #
  • 18:06 – My crew, obv. #
  • 18:21 Some bmx guy thinks I’m his fan and I can’t stop laughing at him. #
  • 18:27 There’s another girl in her twenties, standing near me, usurping my demographic. Dumb bitch. #
  • 19:14 – At the Lithe Leg Convention, Buffalo, NY #
  • 19:50 I want to be Made! Into a paraplegic. #
  • 22:20 Remember when Christina broke up a catfight at the Pierce the Veil show? #
  • 22:22 Checked in with Henry. He asked me to not kill myself because Buffalo’s too far to drive for my body. # 


  • 09:40 Ppl don’t give FoxNews enough credit. This morning alone they reminded me of Toonces the Cat & had a hiLARious thought bubble segment. #
  • 09:41 Later they’re going to be reading people’s “twitters”. #
  • 10:08 Christina: sometimes I want to kick you. Not sometimes, a lot of times actually. #
  • 11:34 Could have sworn christina just wished she was Hoffa, but it seems she was actually wishing she was on FoxNews. #

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  3 Responses to “When TWITTERS Divorce Their Mother & Hit the Road”

  1. Perhaps some of the best twits ever?!

  2. fox news is the new catholic channel.

  3. I’m laughing my ass off at this what if bigfoot raped you shit. And now i’m trying to figure out what he meant though, was he asking would you shoot it right away or wait for it to finish first??

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