Mar 102013

Lately, the only time I have had to blog is on my breaks at work. So sometimes, like my last post about the Magic Mob, I spend all week writing tiny chunks of it until I finally get it all out. I rarely go back and re-read my posts right after I post them (usually it’s a year later; it’s this weird thing about me) so I can only imagine how disjointed and jarbled things must come across. Even more of a typographical shitstorm than usual!

And it has been KILLING me. I love to blog. I have been doing it since 2001 and no matter how often I whine about barely getting comments or feeling like no one is reading this garbage, the bottom line really is that I do this for myself. It is a virtual timeline of my life, and of Henry’s and Chooch’s and all of my friends, too. (Poor guys.) Sometimes I think about how great it will be for Chooch, as an adult, to have this written collection of his childhood to show his wife (or husband! we don’t discriminate at OH,E) and his children.

In my hand-written journals, it is so easy for me to write “We went to Kennywood and it was fun” and then spend the next eight pages obsessing over and dissecting my weight/appearance and my disgusting infatuation with Jonny Craig or how much I hate/love Christina. Because that is what my paper journals are for: to purge my inner Angela Chase. But my blog is the dumping ground for the minutia — what rides did we go on? what made Chooch throw a fit? what did Henry do to ruin the day?

These are the things I want to be able to go back on and remember when I’m 70 years old and unable to ride things at amusement parks & am now sitting in my wheelchair collection because I physically need to, not because they’re cool.

Or when I’m looking for evidence in a fight with Henry.

And sometimes I just post some Hipstamatic pictures or a YouTube video of my current favorite song, and maybe that might not be as “high-quality” as some of the other more well-thought out pieces on here (ha-ha, as if!), but it is MY life, and anything that fills this blog is something that must matter to me. But lately, I am only blogging at work (and my own time, not company time!) and on my phone. I’ve blogged from the car (as a passenger!) and in the trolley. Today is the first time in months that I have actually sat down at the computer at home to knock something out. Because I am so sick of sitting in front of computers!

There have been a million times when I have declared, “I’M DONE! I’M NEVER BLOGGING AGAIN!” because it gets to me sometimes, you know? Like after I go somewhere (eg. The Bayernhof) and there is so much information ricocheting in my head that I know it’s going to take up more than just one post, and I keep putting it off, because the very idea of sitting down to tap it out makes me feel so exhausted. And I feel so much pressure, not because I suspect that anyone out there is sitting on the edge of their seat, waiting for Oh Honestly, Erin to blog about music boxes, but because I feel like if I don’t get it out of my head, I WILL FUCKING PERISH.

I even once deleted my LiveJournal because I couldn’t take it anymore. I think I actually had some kind of nervous breakdown and it was pretty scary. When I made the leap from LiveJournal to my own domain in 2007, my old LJ friends were pissed. I got a lot of criticism because I started writing short stories and referring to Henry by his real name, and not the stupid LJ nickname I had given him. I started writing things with more honesty and not like a fucking cartoon script. I started to let people see the real me, the real Henry, and what life was really like and I lost a lot of readers for that. But if there is one piece of advice I can give new bloggers out there, it’s to write what YOU want. Don’t compromise yourself. And don’t quit just because you haven’t amassed some huge Internet following — it just means you probably aren’t a sell-out.

And even if no one was reading this, which at times feels like the truth, I would still keep posting nearly everyday, because honestly it is something that I not only feel like I HAVE to do, it’s what I WANT to do. And to not have as much time to give it my all anymore is driving me fucking crazy.

  29 Responses to “Why I Blog: By Erin R. Kelly”

  1. I read! I read! I know the feeling, too, where you desperately want to write something out but just don’t have the time for it.

  2. I’m reading! Always! I don’t comment though… unless it’s Sunday morning and I have a chance to sit down at the computer and read. Like you, I normally only have time to read/write when I’m on breaks at work. I hate that I’ve had to go back to work – it takes away from my blogging, reading, drawing, picture taking…. bleh. Just know… I’m reading. And I always look forward to your posts. You are one of the select few I have in my “favorites” folder in my reader. It’s the one folder that I read daily…. Keep writing girl! You are talented with your words.

    • Oh, and P.S. – Coach loves to read to… well, he doesn’t really read. I read to him… he will frequently ask me “What’s up with Chooch, Henry, & Erin?”… No kidding, he really does! I have to admit though… he’s more a fan of Henry than you other two… sorry :)

    • Thanks! I didn’t mean this to come off as a “please say you’re reading” post, I swear! It has just been bothering me that I can’t do as much as I want on here anymore, and even if it was a private blog, I would still feel the same!

      I read yours too—I usually read all my favorite blogs on my phone, which is hard but really the only way I can these days. Sometimes it lets me comment, other times it gets hung up.

      • I do the same thing… and I know you weren’t fishing for the “I read!” lol but it’s nice to know that people are reading. I feel compelled to write stories out but get overwhelmed when doing it at times… so much junk rolling around in my head… so I understand where you’re coming from. And when we actually manage to sort the junk out and find time to write it down, it’s nice to know someone reads it… even though we do it for ourselves :)

  3. I’m here. Always. And I love your music posts and your random pictures and, well, everything.

  4. Over the years (and it has been years, indeed) we’ve been virtual friends, I feel I have somewhat acquainted with you, gotten an occasional peek into the things which bring you joy and sadness, and developed a real affinity for Henry (speaking as someone who is also partnered with a high-maintenance woman — LOL) These days, when you don’t write, I find myself wondering how you are all doing and missing Chooch!

    Erin, I really do understand what it is to write for yourself, but I want you to know I am genuinely glad that you share part of your life, your creativity, and your family with the rest of us.

  5. “In my hand-written journals, it is so easy for me to write “We went to Kennywood and it was fun” and then spend the next eight pages obsessing over and dissecting my weight/appearance and my disgusting infatuation with Jonny Craig or how much I hate/love Christina. Because that is what my paper journals are for: to purge my inner Angela Chase. But my blog is the dumping ground for the minutia — what rides did we go on? what made Chooch throw a fit? what did Henry do to ruin the day?”

    That’s how I was using my paper journals–usually to complain about how depressed or ugly I felt/feel.

    Please keep writing! And sharing!

  6. I totally read. I just never comment because OMG I have to click like three times to do that, too much effort.

  7. Now that I think about, a couple of my most favorite blogs don’t even have the option to leave comments, and the ones that do…I never comment on. Anyway, you’re doing it for the right reasons, which in turn makes it more entertaining to read.

  8. I get mildly annoyed when the 5 regular bloggers (you’re on that list) I have bookmarked don’t post. I need entertainment! (There were 6 but Absolutely Narcicissm stopped posting & took everything down). I’m too lazy to make a blog so it’s pretty rude to be annoyed by those who make the effort! (I have other bookmarked blogs to read but they are under Medical & Crafty bookmarks.) Well, that’s all. Just do your best.

  9. Hey girl,

    Remember me? I know. I’ve been a stranger. Since we’re playing Ruzzle (and you’re kicking my ass! Don’t worry…everyone is), I felt it was time to reconnect.

    I’ve fallen out of love with LJ lately too, partly because it seems like I put so much work in for so few comments (although, like you, I do ultimately write for me and me alone, and for the exact same reasons–such a weird compulsion to write, and like you, it exhausts me yet won’t go away until I’ve done it); but most of my LJ friends seem to have also given up. Still, just wanted to check in. It feels weird not having spoken for so long, but it’s not because of any big drama or anything. My heart just hasn’t been in it.

    (I’m also absolutely not here fishing for comments. Just letting you know I’m still around, and I still think you rock :)

    • Like I could EVER forget you! You are my music soul sister! :)

      Sometimes I really miss LJ — the community aspect of it. But then everyone tells me that it’s lost steam. I always enjoyed your movie reviews!

      Anyway, thank you for stopping by. It was nice to see a familiar name pop up in my email!

  10. Erin to be honest, you make it look easy. I never feel like you’re phoning it in. I enjoy the music video and pictures!
    You work full time, have a kid plus a ton of projects you’re always working on — and you still find time to entertain the Internet! You are doing a great job! Breathe! =)

  11. It’s true, Erin, you make it look easy.

    You know I’m always here. Even when I don’t have time to read a post I notice that it exists. I’m sadly so busy that it’s throttling me these past few years but I plan to always be here and follow you anywhere as long as you are writing.

    The only thing that bothers me when people leave LJ is that the reciprocation is no longer there. As long as my blogger friends are on LJ I can at least pretend that they know something about me, since my LJ is available for them to read if they ever get curious. On traditionally-formatted blogs like yours, it’s a one-way street. I know some bloggers get to know each other on these platforms, but it’s not the same as locked entries and filters. Anyway, enough nostalgia. I’m glad you’re still writing in an accessible space and not just privately. Thanks.

    • I spent more than a year after I left LJ diligently reading my friends page, but I was STILL getting criticism when I would leave comments. “I hate that you left LJ.” “it’s too hard to comment on your new blog.” “I have to click links now and that takes effort.” And then there were the people accusing me of thinking I was too good. Yeah, I left a place where I was getting 100 comments for this wasteland. It was never about that for me – I just wanted to be able to write what I wanted to without drama. And believe me, there was A LOT of it over there that affected my personal life. It was no good.

      Seriously? I gave up. There are a decent amount of the friends I made (you included) that I keep up with on FB. But really, anytime I go over to LJ I feel sick. And that was a huge part of why I left.

    • One more thing: it was hilarious to me how many ppl immediately removed me from their friends list as soon as I made the jump. I HATED how artificial LJ was in that sense.

      I don’t care about comments or reciprocation. Those things are luxuries. I have about six or seven blog friends now and I don’t just abandon them if they don’t comment all the time. And the truth is most of my friends offline don’t even read my blog. Who cares? People don’t need to read this shit to prove that they’re my friend.

      The only message this post was sending was that I am sorry the quality of my posts had waned, but I am busy. Like you and everyone else.

  12. As a reader, not a writer, it is amazing to me to see how many other readers bitch about what they don’t like about their supposedly favorite bloggers when, hello! Bloggers are sharing their writing FOR FREE. If I was a blogger getting that kind of bullshit feedback, I’d take my ball & go home.

    You do not have to make any apologies to us — you have a life and you are doing us a favor by sharing that with us.

    And by the way, I only had to click one link to leave this comment.

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