Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 11:32 When I don’t have contacts in, Henry looks like Russell Brand. If you have skewed taste in men like me, then you know that’s a good thing. #
• 13:02 Me: “I’m not retarded!” Henry: “Well…you are, sort of.” #
• 16:36 Where does a bitch have to go for a fucking Jungle In My Pocket. #
• 17:04 I need to stop buying things that I want to play with & start shopping from Chooch’s perspective. #
• 17:44 I asked henry if he thinks anyone wished we would break up when we first started dating, and he asked, “u mean, besides me?” #
• 21:13 you know who gets drunk off wine really fast? this girl. me. erin r kelly. #
• 22:13 Merlot won the position of Erin’s BFF before I even had a chance to hold auditions for the show. GIVE MAMA A KISS, MERLOT. #
• 23:50 Satanic porn. #
• 00:09 Dallas must have low standards. In the 70s anyway. #

• 01:07 BOBBY FLAY me with ur ween. #
• 11:47 DAN FOGELBERG IN THE HOUSE. #
• 13:21 I want to learn how to solder. apparently this is a laughable to henry. #
• 23:04 It would behoove me to learn the ropes of a corkscrew. #
• 07:21 A truth: Vertical Horizon makes me cry. #
• 15:41 Henry yelled at Chooch for swiping my crackers. IN YOUR FACE, CHOOCH. #
• 17:50 It took two men to help me heat up a cup of coffee. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter Now you can rest easy, knowing my inner most thoughts and movements.