Earth-shattering updates throughout the day. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 18:40 I just learned the words to Patty Cake. Yeah, I know. #
• 18:49 Hardest phone call I ever had to make. #
• 21:47 Niffer pretended to use bananas as telephones and because I am 6, it made my day #
• 06:14 It is frightening how little my family cares about my son. #
• 09:31 Ugh FUCK YOU, REO SPEEDWAGON. #
• 17:13 Henry is like my fucking Life Coach 4 realz0rz. And then Chooch spouts off wise gems like “Be friends with her! Asshole.” #
• 17:19 Chooch is tantruming because I suggested he get a tattoo that says “I like to cuddle with Mommy.” #
• 19.17 I want to flick my kid but I can’t reach him and its frustrating.

• 11:01 I feel mathematical today. I’m going to go measure things with my thumb.
• 16:41 NOT a good day to be hearing the Juliana Theory.
• 17:04 http://twitpic.com/1h166 – And ppl wonder why I hate rivers. It looks diseased right now. Shit I almost puked.
• 17:06 My manager asked me to work tonight. I hope they realize that the one they let go was the most reliable. This is awkward.

• 11:02 I love Henry and all but shit, that guy can fuck up a pot of coffee.
• 13:52 Having lunch at Mad Mex with my Valentine. And Henry.
• 13:59  http://twitpic.com/1hm8f – You’ll poke ur eye out, kid.
• 14:36 My fucking Valentine won’t share his ice cream and brownie with me. Typical man.
• 14:44 http://twitpic.com/1hnin – SELFISH.
• 15:03 http://twitpic.com/1ho2p – Pine cones have never been so funny. (Just to me, obv.)
• 16:11 Me: “Maybe I’m just a slut.” Henry: “Well, we knew that already.”
• 16:13 Chooch wanted a pine cone by our car so Henry was rummaging around on the ground by a dumpster & the image was so hilarious to me.
• 16:14 “Look at that gay man, collecting pine cones by the dumpster to stick up his ass.” I’m having a giggle fit & chooch told me to calm down.
• 17:08 I only want to get married so I can include something about “piercing my veil” in my vows. Then I can die after that.
• 20:44 Thank god for: 1. Tax refunds 2. Chooch the Deductible 3. Henry getting a second job.
• 21:38 Oh, Penguins. :(
• 23:54 Don’t call me peanut.
  

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• 12:43 I’m excited to be seeing Alisha today! And by seeing I mean hanging out, not spying on her from behind a tree. That’s tomorrow.
• 17:21 That was the best grilled cheese. For a myriad of reasons. #
• 21:05 twitpic.com/1ikuv – The only cat stupid enough to hang around Chooch. #
• 21:27 Watching Amazing Love Stories on TLC. Yeah, that’s a swell idea. Perhaps next I’ll swim in sewage. #
• 01:03 There are some people who give me chestpains. I hate those people. #
• 11:09 If I don’t get to see Pierce the Veil again soon, my inner teen will explode. #
• 13:40 Henry just said “Chooch will take care of you” after I panicked for the 5326th time today. The sad part is that its probably true. #
• 13:53 twitpic.com/1iweh – Listening to the Cure, like your typical toddler does. #
• 14:04 He’s leaving for his second job and I’m waaaaailing!!!!! If I had a little less respect, I’d have grabbed him by the ankle. #

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