Earth-shattering updates throughout the day. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 20:26 Just cried at iCarly in front of Janna. She’s all “are u really crying?” YES. YES IM A LOSER. #
• 21:31 Janna’s playing Candy Land with Chooch. Better her than me. #

• 12:21 Made Chooch scrambled eggs. Luckily, I got the serving with the shell. #
• 12:28 Chooch and I have been spending too much time together. God help us before someone gets killed. #
• 12:31 Henry to Chooch: “you’re just like your mother, climbing on me to show me what’s in your mouth.” #
• 14:24 Day Three: Wanting to return my Mommy badge. #
• 17:52 Ok, Ok! UNCLE! This housewife thing is for the birds. Oh shit, I need a job bad. #
• 20:25 My warden is running around chanting “chicken blood asshole” and laughing like Pee Wee Herman with a demon spirit up his ass. SOS. #
• 20:33 Its not a raisin, its an eraser, and it doesn’t work on pen!!!! ARGH someone slap me in the face!!!!!!! Crazytrain!!!!!! #
• 20:49 Was foolish to think the hardest part of this would be cooking dinner, when its actually the single-parenting. I surrender. #
• 20:54 Aaaaand a wet washcloth just bounced off my face. #
• 20:54 But then he says “aw mommy’s so cute” so how can I be mad?? Omg mindfuck. #
• 23:41 About to drunkrope. Jumpdrunk. Forget it. #

• 12:01 Chooch wants to be a pail of pee for next Halloween. Awesome. #
• 17:10 Forcing my “Annie” obsession upon Chooch. He’s not impressed. But he hasn’t seen Punjab yet. #
• 17:12 Could be that I’m singing loudly to all the songs. Chooch hates my theatrical warbling. He keeps saying “what’s THAT boy?” about Annie. #
• 17:18 Now hopefully my orphanage threat will have greater impact on Chooch. Except it probably looks fun to him. “Backflips on the bed? COOL!” #
• 19:03 twitpic.com/1ktan – Quietly watching Lost Boys. FOR NOW. #
• 19:59 I am so far over my minutes this month, it’s nauseating. I’m not cool enough to be part of the Verizon club, though. #
• 20:01 I forget what Henry looks like. #
• 20:02 But a quick perusal of the Megan”s Law website helped me remember. #

• 10:22 Why is french toast so hard to make? I’m so glad Henry isn’t here to witness this. #
• 10:25 This french toast tastes like no other. I hope chooch doesn’t remember it because living with a french toast aversion would be terrible. #
• 10:25 Also, I hope we don’t die from this. #
• 10:27 Something about this is very wrong. #
• 10:40 What good is a recipe if it doesn’t work? Because I’m sure my failure had NOTHING to do with me. #
• 10:56 Henry’s home, inspecting my french toast. He just asked if I even cooked it, then sniffed the kitchen. “U caught it on fire, didn’t you?” #

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