Apr 132009

Urgent. Will die without reading.

  • 12:41 I imagine that being employed should be a prerequisite of house-hunting, but that’s just me.
  • 15:53 “Castle”‘s a pretty good show. Wonder when it will be canceled. 
  • 18:05 Words I never thought I’d say: “Get out of here while I’m cooking.” & I was talking about food, not meth!
  • 18:30 Raising my son on a Peruvian accent might work if I didn’t wind up talking like I’m from the Ozarks by the end of the sentence.
  • 21:21 LOLz0rz @ Cam Ward.
  • 21:27 Chooch, pointing to the church across the street: “Don’t say ‘asshole’ there. Don’t say ‘bitch,’either. Or ‘jackhole’.”
  • 21:57 The worst part about selling stuff on Etsy is entrusting my art with the fucking post office.

  • 01:14 Everything @awoodhick tells me, I already know.
  • 10:45 “she can make the salt taste like sugar on her hands” kills me every time.
  • 14:31 I’m not ashamed of how excited I am to dye eggs tomorrow night.
  • 16:47 Texted Henry to alert him that something is dripping in the basement. I hope he doesn’t think I’m coming on to him.
  • 17:34 Me: “what do u want for dinner?” Chooch: “I want to eat ppl.” That can be arranged, my sweet son.
  • 18:56 I just had a fleeting image of drowning inside a stewed tomato-stuffed skull.

  • 01:03 RIP Switchblade. You made a flavorful beverage for my cats, though I’m still not sure they were aware of your existence.
  • 13:15 Alisha never wants this magnificent Rod Stewart jam to end.
  • 16:21 Today I’m buying a lightbulb. For the first time. Ever.
  • 20:06 I just learned how to close a pizza box. I’m 29.
  • 20:13 Apparently scene party at my house.
  • 20:36 My egg-dyeing party was crashed. I’M PISSED.
  • 21:38 I love u, Evgeni Malkin

  • 10:20 Happy Easter, twitholes.
  • 10:23 Chooch is not grasping the concept of “hidden basket” & expects us to find it for him. Just like when I lose something.
  • 11:12 I cut my thumb. Who knew stuffing a canister of Jesus band-aids in Chooch’s basket would be a good idea.
  • 12:38 Already cried & I’m not even around my family yet. Happy fucking Easter!
  • 14:10 My family’s always pushed me to write a book. I don’t think they really want that, because I promise it will be a tell-all. About them.
  • 15:23 There are things I wish I could blow up with my mind. Well, one thing. In Ohio.
  • 16:01 Henry bought cookies that look like Lance Armstrong’s genitalia.
  • 16:25 http://twitpic.com/38a81 – Jesus saves.
  • 19:48 According to Chooch, one has to be gay to like parmesan.
  • 19:55 http://twitpic.com/38mm1 – A very alternative Easter dinner.
  • 20:15 Pineapple upside down pie (PIE?!) provokes strong feelings of hate, confusion & disgust from deep within. I cannot explain at this time.
  • 20:28 Dyanna & Henry just partook in an intimate pie-sharing moment. It was beautiful. And Alisha is dumbz0rz.
  • 21:14 GK Chesterton, the Apostle of Common Sense, may very well be my new hero. Tonight I may pray to him.
  • 21:18 When I’m entertaining, I like putting on the Eternal Word Television Network for my friends to get religiously learnt.
  • 21:47 http://twitpic.com/38ug2 – Alisha, doing the Rosary.
  • 21:59 Dyanna has hiccups & Alisha is slowly unraveling at Rosary with Mother Angelica. Amazing Easter festivities.
  • 22:00 WHAT Dyanna turned EWTN off, that assholewhore piece of pineapple upside down pie! WHAT!!??

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  6 Responses to “tweets have risen & they took their rosary with them”

  1. Where did you find Jesus bandaids?! I gotta look in the supermarket where they sell those candles.

    What could you possibly have against pineapple and pie?! It must be some childhood thing involving your mom, because, really. Pineapple!!!!

    • I got them in a novelty store in Cleveland called Big Fun, but I’ve seen them around online before, too.

      Here, I knew this place would have them:

      As for the pie:

      I love pineapple upside cake a LOT. It just wasn’t the same in pie-form. Without that gooey cake and the way it gets hard and gelled along the bottom, it just lost its appeal to me.

      I was also angry that Henry bought Cool Whip for the pie and not ice cream!

  2. Well shit, if i knew you were gonna have jebus band-aids i’d have been there!

  3. I don’t know, i’m not really all that religical. I thought Alisha was praying the Rosary? Did you really have the religiosity station on? and why

  4. ha ha

    hee hee


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