Earth-shattering updates throughout the day. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 17:46 Some people really bring out my malicious side & I don’t feel as bad abt that as I should. Unless I end up in jail. Then I might feel bad. #
• 18:32 I swear to god I wasn’t the one who made a death threat against Alex Ovechkin. Besides, mine would have been way more awesome. #
• 19:15 Chooch, the curator of my home gallery, is trying to sell paintings to Janna. He doesn’t yet know that she’s a tightwad. #
• 12:04 My aunt just asked me if I know how to use a microwave. A fair inquiry. #
• 20:23 How am I supposed to watch hockey with a shredded throat. #
• 21:10 That’s right, Sergei Gonchar. Fuck my throat. #
• 21:38 That game was worth every excruciating scream. #
  

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• 13:01 Was just given a drug cocktail by @saucalisha & now I’m afraid that an OD is imminent. Henry tried to explain that a person should be OK. #
• 13:01 I felt relieved until he followed it with, “but who knows with you.” #
• 13:07 Was just accused of having a stripper stance. #
• 14:33 I am in the back of a van, spectating a sensual hand-washing in the front. #
• 14:53 Glad I brought Alisha with me because she’s giving Bill & Jessi a nice earful of Pittsburgh, whereas I’d be like “this is pgh, the end.” #
• 15:04 Wish @bed_in_revolt would stop taking weird pictures of me! #
• 15:37 Jesus Christ, Alisha knows A LOT about Pittsburgh. #
• 16:56 Pre-hockey party at Mad Mex! Except I’m the only one excited. #
• 18:22 Henry has a night stick!? #
• 21:52 Motherfucking PENGUINS!!!!!! I accidentally kicked Chooch’s bike in my celebration and I don’t care!!! #
• 22:46 twitpic.com/4w8jw – Bed-In on Bill. #
• 23:24 So far, I have not succumbed to all the drugs Alisha gave me, though there was a close call during dinner at Mad Mex. #
  

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• 10:40 twitpic.com/4x3jd – Haahahahaaha #
• 10:49 Alisha to Chooch: “you’re a bad liar.” Chooch: “CHRISTINA is a liar!” My son’s got my back. #
• 13:33 Staple guns make me feel powerful. #
• 13:48 twitpic.com/4xgkf – Eyeball pinata for the what now #
• 14:07 Chooch’s party is hobo-themed, apparently. #
• 16:49 It’s hard to tweet when your phone is in a garbage can. #
• 20:15 I hope that one day I can have a birthday party as fun as Chooch’s. Only, I’d like strippers at mine. And a hookah. And hockey. #
• 20:34 Thanks to @bed_in_revolt, I’m a ho for screamin’ dill pickle Pringles. I might even dole out bj’s for a super stack. MIGHT. #
• 20:58 @roughdiction if I already have the dill pickle chips, there’d be no need for superfluous bj’s. #
• 22:36 New neighbors who moved in next door think that 10:30pm on a Sunday is an appropriate time to hammer & drill. I’m gonna love these people. #
  

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• 10:41 Was reminding Chooch how many people came to see him yesterday at his party & he goes “Yeah, & Alisha!” I KNEW she wasn’t a real person. #
• 11:43 I’m pretty certain Chooch caused one of my cats to run away. #

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