Jun 012009

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

  • 12:42 It might not be there yet, but by the time Chooch is done with it, Pittsburgh just might be the murder capital of the world. #
  • 13:36 BRB my son’s mopping the kitchen floor. #
  • 14:16 I’m the one who always has paint on her hands. #
  • 15:33 We might eventually make it to Columbus. I hope. If I ditch Henry & hitch with a bigrig. #
  • 16:14 Henry’s talking abt pillow prices & subsequent quality. Hope he knows I quit listening after I realized that it had nothing to do w/ sex. #
  • 16:36 At first I thought “Arthritis?” But now I’m sure it’s a gang of Satantic fire ants fucking on my tendon. It would be rude to stop them. #
  • 16:45 Or it could be a jumprope injury, whatevelyn. #
  • 17:18 Henry, it’s hard to talk about my crush when you keep rolling your eyes. #
  • 17:50 I hope one day @Chiodos will know how much I love them. #
  • 18:27 “Because I got tangled in my underwear in a Subway restroom” would be a lame reason to miss a show. #
  • 18:48 twitpic.com/67rb7 – Stuck in traffic being serenaded by a country-music blasting biker gang. #
  • 18:51 I can’t stop laughing about these lame bikers & henry is so confused. “I guess its only funny to you younger generation assholes.” #
  • 19:06 Henry just scolded me for telling a bunch of little kids that the Penguins are going to win. #
  • 19:32 There’s something about the tone of the dude’s voice behind me that’s lacerating my patience. #
  • 20:02 God, give me one Strongbow & I’m ready to start throwing blows. The gutteral bellows from the stage are like extra steroids in my rage sundae … #
  • 21:27 There is a sea of scene coifs here, Henry. Pick one, we’ll make it work. #  
  • 21:58 Trying to talk Henry into saying he’s Papa Owens to get backstage. He smirked, which means no. I’m drunk. Give me a face to punch, bye. #
  • 23:20 How many more times do I have to be in the same room as him, within reaching distance, before I actually talk to him. (Don’t answer that.) #

  • 00:23 I should not be replying to anyone when I’m drunk, but Henry is boring me on the drive home so here I am, amok on Twitter. #
  • 01:15 @coupesetique his dome was unadorned tonight, but he still wore his standard annoyed scowl! #
  • 01:19 At dinner tonight w/ Janna & her parents, Chooch informed them that he wants to set Christina on fire. He holds grudges as tight as I do. #
  • 01:46 It’s dark&foggy & Henry’s driving is erratic. I’m half-expecting a Pee Wee’s Big Adventure-esque cliff-roll. #
  • 11:46 Chiodos hangover, regret from not punching Hanna-Barbera voice, eyelid paralysis. #
  • 12:27 Gee, thank god my aunt just reminded me that the Penguins play tonight because I totally had NOT been thinking about that CONSTANTLY.
  • 16:08 My sensitive eyes are forcing me to wear my sunglasses inside. My inner scenester prat is being unleashed. #
  • 16:19 if I was one of those crop dusting pilots, I’d fly around pelting people with dead things. #
  • 16:34 Dead things amd scratch offs. “I just got hit with a rotted scrotum, but at least I won a free ticket.” #
  • 16:36 “amd” is how we half-blind people who wear sunglasses indoors spell “and.” Learn it. Use it. Disinfect it. #
  • 17:12 @BreakingNews This should not be breaking news. #
  • 20:03 I have no other words but OMGOMGOMGOMG. #letsgopens #
  • 22:20 I have so many asshole-y tweets making my fingers itch, but I’m too afraid of jinxing my Penguins. #letsgopens #

  • 00:08 It doesn’t get any better than Zetterberg? Really? #
  • 12:05 I can’t believe fucking Nadal lost. #
  • 12:10 Chooch dictates how long Henry and I are allowed to hug, then much to Henry’s relief it’s all “OK that’s enough, you’re done now.” #
  • 13:05 I miss Alisha. #
  • 16:44 twitpic.com/6cwrh – At Denny’s, talking about slicing eyeballs. #
  • 16:46 England Dan & John Ford Coley: providing soundtrack excellence for avocado burrito mastication @ Denny’s. #
  • 17:03 Where’s @saucalisha and her survival pack when we need her. #
  • 17:45 Blake’s girlfriend gets the highest seal of approval from me. She’s so cool & un-bitchy! #
  • 20:13 Chris Osgood needs suckerpunched in his smug face. #
  • 20:19 You can’t spell Asshole without the Hossa. #  (I wish I could claim that as my own.)
  • 22:43 I fucking love you, Malkin!!!!! #
  • 22:44 I hope little Jared Leto, I mean Zettercunt, didn’t suffer any facial blemishes. #
  • 23:51 I love Henry. THERE I SAID IT. #

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