Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 14:45 Now that I know that Annie from 90210 was on Degrassi, it all makes so much sense. #
• 22:20 Honest to shit, I’m too scared to tweet. #
• 22:22 Slowest moving clock. Ever. In history. #
• 22:42 BOW DOWN, HATERS. #letsgopens #
• 22:44 That was COMPLETELY worth missing the @craigeryowens show. TOTALLY & COMPLETELY. #
• 23:12 Chooch has just now forgiven me for sending him into emotional duress with my hysterical screams, & then he joined me outside to scream. #
• 23:23 Geno: “Hi.” *swig of bubbly* = my fave moment. #
  

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• 00:28 Henry’s talking like a stroke victim again. #myboyfriendisold #
• 00:31 Think back to when you sat next to Grandpa, watching TV & enduring his laboring, open-mouthed breathing. #myboyfriendisold #
• 02:58 I used to see Capn Crunch on the ceiling of my last apartment. I’d pray to him, vent on him, ask him if my tits looked good in my new bra. #
• 10:50 I have this nagging itch to have Chooch watch “Delicatessen” today. I believe a fear of French cinema & cannibalistic deli phobia should start at a young age #
• 12:41 I have three mths to grow my nails back. #
• 13:21 Chooch, exasperatedly: “I’m buying a babysitter for daddy.” #
• 13:22 And I’m fine with that as long as she’s at least 75-years-old with a cleft palate and cankles. #
• 13:37 RT @BreakingNews: A French man was killed when a sudden gust of wind blew away a beach parasol and pierced through his head. #
• 13:38 @skyspun WEIRD because I also had that for lunch! (Eggplant casserole, not cankles.) #
• 13:43 @skyspun I’ve always been partial to marinated love handles, myself. With a canker sore garnish. #
• 14:06 Henry was going to get “Lexington” as his ringtone for me, but then remembered he doesn’t like me. Oh, that man. #myboyfriendisold&douchey #
• 14:20 @skyspun only douches drop the “e” #
• 20:02 My name is Erin, and I never fail to astound myself. #
  

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• 10:29 You know in cartoons, when someone sneezes hard & the roof of the house is blasted off? #myboyfriendisold&sneezeslikeacartoon #
• 11:05 I’m spending some time alone today, on Papa Henry’s orders, else I explode. I haven’t had time to myself in so long that I feel helpless. #
• 13:34 Jawbreakers, I don’t like the yellow ones, just in case anyone was planning on making me a hard candy gift basket for absolutely no reason. #
• 13:35 And now @saucalisha is going to gift me with a hobo’s sockful of yellow Jawbreakers, I can feel it. #
• 17:22 Wanted: 4 to 5 men in suits who aren’t afraid to get a little bloody. #
• 20:00 I’m building a lemonade stand & hiring zombies as vendors. It’s going 2b great, as soon as I learn basic carpentry. Fuckit, I’ll use boxes. #

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