Mar 032008

Hello. I’m twenty-eight years old. I have never built a snowman.

We got a good bit of snow on Friday, so I got all ambitious and decided that it was time to change my status as snow architect from "never" to "active."

I concentrated hard on my efforts for an entire, let’s say, three minutes, before walking away and playing with the shovel. Henry spied my attempt and asked what it was. "Uh, that’s not how you make a snowman," he patronized as he continued to sneer at the uneven mound of snow that I formed by scooping and patting, not rolling which is apparently the universal method of birthing snowmen.

"Oh, then show me how," I said, knowing that it was a surefire way to con Henry into doing all the work while I pranced around in a crocheted frog hat and rain boots. (By the way, rain boots make terrible snow boots.)

By the time he was done playing snowman God, I was tired of being outside. It was still snowing hard and Chooch kept trying to sneak past us into the street, no matter how many times I yelled, "Danger danger!" I decided I would implement by carefully planned-out snowman face and accouterments the next day, which turned out to be beneficial because by the next day, it looked like this:

2008 03 02 063

I was pleased with it’s current Leaning Tower state — it would make a more realistic dying snowman. Unfortunately, before I had a chance to slap a piece of salami on its face for a protruding tongue, some asshole kids stole his head and torso.I found the head a few yards up the steet, but the torso is probably in a garage somewhere, being harvested for kidneys.

Snowmen suck. So do kids.

I guess technically I still haven’t built a snowman. It’s the cherry that can’t be popped.

  6 Responses to “Erin’s First Snowman”

  1. Are you shitting me? Someone stole fucking snow from your yard?

    And it was so perfect! Keeling over with nausea or great pains…so much potential.

    • There’s this Eminem Jr who lives down the street from me and my money’s on him and his loser friends. Assholes! I’m surprised my pumpkins lasted as long as they did on my porch. (I ended up smashing them myself, lol.)

  2. Making a snowman can be very tricky, you have to wait for the snow to be the right consistency, and you don’t want too much or not enough snow.

    The thought of you making a snowman immediately reminded me of these Calvin and Hobbes cartoons. I love the one with the car the most. =)

  3. dude! i wish you would have gotten to complete your masterpiece.
    i can only imagine how he would have looked. he looks very emo in the photoG.

    bratty kids DO suck!

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