My own brother, a goddamn shit-sucking vampire. Oh, you wait till mom finds out, buddy.
I don’t normally get too invested in celebrities, but when I woke up this morning to Henry’s text saying that Corey Haim had died, I did NOT want to get out of bed. I’m laying there, crying, and Chooch (who is used to me crying over a leaf falling from a tree at this point) asked me what was wrong.
I didn’t know what to say, other than, “The Lost Boys finally killed Sam, Chooch.” And he was like, “Oh that sucks. Get me breakfast now.”
Like probably a billion other people, Corey Haim was the embodiment of my childhood. He was the first celebrity I crushed on who wasn’t gay! (Seriously: Freddie Mercury and Boy George, wtf.) And he was the only reason I ever made my mom buy me all those bubblegum magazines like Tiger Beat and Bop or whatever the fuck other fruity names those rags had.
I remember I was either in 5th or 6th grade when my mom let me order a giant poster of him that was advertised in the back of one of those ‘zines. Joey McIntyre? No thanks. I only had eyes for Corey Haim. When it arrived, my step-dad wrestled it from me, knowing that what lie within that poster cylinder was fuel for many dinner-time mockings to come. He embarrassed me so bad that I ended up stowing the poster behind the couch, dashing my dreams of falling asleep every night beneath Corey Haim’s crooked smile.
(It was worse than the time my step-dad bought me a heart-shaped Jason Priestley pillow as a gag gift and would try and smash it in my face. I’d get so furious, and finally one time I yelled, “HE’S NOT EVEN THE ONE I LIKE!
I LIKE LUKE PERRY!” causing a chorus of giddy “Ooooooh”s and kissy-sounds to erupt from my family. What assholes. I then re-gifted the pillow to our German Shepherd.)
When Corey Haim and Corey Feldman recently did that reality show together, it broke my heart to see him so downtrodden. I became obsessed with going to LA and saving him. But really, I don’t think anyone could have saved him.
It always happens to the ones who burn the brightest.
What are your favorite Corey Haim memories/movies/photos/etc?