Sep 132019
 

We had such a wonderful day at Holiday World and here is a big-ass photo dump to prove it!

You already know we were there for the VOYAHHHHHHGE, but the truth is, Holiday World as a whole is so much fun. Yes, there are lots of bad tattoos there, but the people are friendly and the employees are so happy to see you! I was having such a grand old time that I was only mad for a two seconds that Henry wore his dumb Creepy Uncle sunglasses and ruined our family picture.

Still hasn’t outgrown that mascot-love. Actually, later on in the day, he ran off to go to the bathroom but saw this mascot and another one (the Halloween cat) and got some employee to take a picture for him. I can never get him to post pictures of our family trips on Instagram, but he posted THAT one all on his own. And I wasn’t even in it! I CAN NEVER GET HIM TO POST PICTURES OF US ON INSTAGRAM!

HE’S ASHAMED OF ME.

Holiday World might be relatively unknown to the general population, but it’s pretty legendary in the coaster circle, and it’s racked up numerous awards over the years. In fact, the 2019 Golden Ticket winners were just announced last weekend, and it won Best Water Park Ride for Wildebeast and  2nd place for Best Wooden Coaster (The VOYAHHHHHGE, obviduh)!

Last year, Henry skipped out on the Raven but this year we dragged him on. I think he’s trying harder to keep up with Chooch and me because he rode EVERY ROLLER COASTER on this weekend trip except for T3 at Kentucky Kindgom.

And the kiddie coasters. He’s not cool enough to be That Guy on the kiddie coaster.

We had to st and in line for about 30 minutes and it was like the world was going to end for Chooch but Henry and I entertained ourselves by ogling the questionable tattoos. For instance, when we were in line for Thunderbird, a guy in front of us had “Volkswagen” tattooed on his forearm. Like, the actual word.

And it was BIG, too.

He seemed like a pretty normal guy, otherwise.

There was a young couple in line for the Raven playing Heads Up and the clues the guy was giving her for “bobcat” were “name of a machine company” and “wild animals found in Utah.”

He asked the guy in front of us if he had any better clues for her and the guy was all, “no, your clues were pretty darn good” and I was like, “NO THEY WEREN’T. IF THEY WERE PRETTY DARN GOOD, SHE WOULD HAVE GUESSED IT.” I would have said “wild feline with a popular man’s name.”

Or, you know, “Goldthwait.”

Stupid asses.

I was obsessed with the idea of eating at the Plymouth Rock Cafe because it’s…wait for it…THANKSGIVING STAPLES! And they have a vegetarian plate too which is a choice of THREE SIDES and A ROLL OR CORNBREAD.

Um, hello, cornbread.

Well, this was the only time we were disappointed with Holiday World. It was the only time we encountered ambivalent employees, they were out of half of the sides (it was only 1pm!) so instead of getting corn and broccoli salad, I had to get some kind of stewed cinnamon apples and macaroni and cheese in addition to the sweet potato casserole that I had my eyes on, and it was just…a lot. Like, it didn’t LOOK like a lot, but I honestly thought I was going to have to be part-time bulimic at one point afterward, just to get some relief.

But then sweet potato casserole WAS SO GOOD. I can’t even lie, it was really good. The corn bread was a big (actually small) dry wad of disappointment, but we also got pumpkin pie and it was way better than I expected! I thought it was going to be the firm, gelatinous kind but it was the smooth and creamy consistency that I love!

So, mixed bag for Plymouth Cafe.

Henry had some kind of meat and he liked it.

It was about $50 for three meals and three pies, plus Henry and Chooch both got drinks which seemed dumb since Holiday World has free drink stations all over the park just like Kentucky Kingdom. I think this was a pretty reasonable deal? I mean, we were all so full that no one wanted to eat dinner later on and we basically had to talk ourselves into getting ice cream before we left.

Oh, the challenges of being us.

Here we are getting that coaster cred! When we were in line, there was one mom in front of us and I was confused because why was she alone? I thought maybe her husband and children were already on and there was no room left for her, because before the operator closed the gate, the lady asked, “Would it be OK if I sat in the back seat?” and the operator asked the little boy in the back seat if he minded, and he very chivalrously said, “Not at all!” and so the lady dumped her purse in a bin and boarded the train and that is when I realized that she wasn’t with any of those people, she just wanted to ride the Howler with all of her fucks abandoned in a bin with her handbag.

That’s my kind of mom.

Also, we were relieved that she got to go on that train because that put us first in line and we wanted the back seat, haha.

I think it’s funny that Henry stands off to the side with all the other non-riding parents and takes pictures of his kids.

Not the worst kiddie coaster in the world!

I love our carousel selfies! I think it really captures our true family essence lol.

I called this a lion approx. 5x before the word “tiger” came to me and I felt like Barb mixing up zebras and giraffes.

Santa! He waved to me!! While we were having out nearby, another old man walked by in jeans and a white T-shirt and Henry, “Look there’s Santa!” And I said, “No dipshit, Santa is right over there with his elven handler.” But Henry said, “No, it’s the Santa from last year!” AND IT WAS! AN OFF-DUTY SANTA! I was devastated to learn that there were two different Santas! I really thought it was the same one.

We went inside the Christmas candy shop and Henry let Chooch make his own bags of taffy, a task that Chooch took extremely seriously. We were in there for a good long while too and it was kind of ridiculous and I was starting to get annoyed because it was the one place that was actually pretty crowded and no matter where I went, I was in someone’s way. Then after we paid for the damn bag, we started to leave when Chooch was like, “Oh shit, I didn’t even see all the taffy over on the other side” and one of the flavors was egg nog so I was mad because that sounded fun and he ruined my life basically by not including this so I grabbed an empty bag and said, “GET TO WORK” and this time henry and I helped him because apparently you can’t trust a kid to get the good taffy.

The Legend is such a rough ride, but it’s so much fun! A werewolf howls right before you go down the first drop and for some reason, this just tickles me.

One of the times we rode it, the ride attendant was going around checking our seats (he ended up groping me and then said something that sounded like, “Nice to see you again” which I’m sure wasn’t right but I was still stuck on the fact that he groped me) when a young couple appeared at the exit and told the ride operator that they left their bag in the shelf and described it as a “black crossbody that says Supreme on it” and I laughed to myself and was NOT surprised when The Groper was unable to locate such a bag. He kept holding up other bags and the ride operator was getting so pissed and reiterating that it was black and said Supreme.

When he held up some other thing, the ride operator screamed IT SAYS SU-PREME ON IT!!!! I was dying. Maybe he was describing boobs that Groper had brushed against during the day, it would be an easier game for him to win.

Anyway, I couldn’t believe they were holding our train back for this bullshit.

The one bad thing about coming here so late in the season is that they close at 7 during Labor Day weekend. Can you believe that?! Now, there’s still plenty of time to ride everything, but with the park closing before sunset, there is absolutely no possibility of night rides, and the VOYAHHHHHGE is best experienced at night. It just really is, sorry. It forcibly takes you back into the pitch black woods and I know this sounds like a set-up for horror porn but…ok it’s kind of like that. And you wake up the next day with the bruises to show for it.

With about an hour remaining, we decided it was now-or-never for some Udderly Blue ice cream. We were still full from lunch but I wasn’t passing this up.

While we were in line, we briefly lost Chooch (lol) but then I found him on the nearby carousel, riding alone peacefully.

There was a family sitting at a table near where we’re standing and when the husband brought the ice cream over, the wife said, “oh. I would have thought it would be blue” and the husband was like, “they do have blue ice cream but the kids just wanted vanilla, so” and she was like, “well I would have liked to try the blue” and then it started to get these because the line was really long and the kids were being ungrateful pricks to begin with and now Wife is being passive aggressive and Husband words were starting to sound strangulated like he was projecting his desire to throttle her in her sleep. I looked at Henry said “Wow that could be us.”

I made Henry share this with me and he was angry because he wanted to get his own and I said “then just get your own” but now he was moping and said JUST FORGET IT and I wondered if now we were the ones being watched by another couple saying to themselves “Wow, they’re just like us.”

Another, Udderly Blue over Dole Whip any damn day!

Chooch and I got one final ride on the VOYAHHHHHHGE before the line closed and we fought back tears on the way out. This park, man. It’s so good. Get yourself there.

*****

The next day, we were an hour outside of Cincinnati on the way home when I asked where the taffy was.

“Goddammit, I left it in the hotel fridge!” Henry cried. I was way angrier about this than I imagined I would be and I don’t even really like taffy all that much. So yeah, our fight-free weekend was definitely over by then.

  2 Responses to “Holiday World Photo Album”

  1. I miss Holiday World. Cleanest park I’ve ever visited. The Voyage is on my top 5 coaster list.

    I have some tickets for you for Opening weekend. Give me a shout if you are in town and can use them.

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