Nov 122019

It snowed today in Pittsburgh and I’m low key pouting it hahahaha j/k when am I ever low key with my pouts.

Seriously though, the weekend was so nice and autumnal, and yesterday was straight up gorgeous and 60 degrees for my Monday lunch time walk.

Then today was full of miserable FUCK SNOW Instagram posts from all my local peeps.

But hey, who am I to dwell on misery (lol that is JUST who I am, actually)? Instead I will just recount on all the nice things that happened that PRE-SNOW.

(Come on-hahahahahahaha-nnnnnn, it’s only just the beginning of November!!)

Here’s Chooch matching a church that may be abandoned I couldn’t tell?

Sometimes when I text Henry/Janna/the FBI about Chooch, it autocorrects to Church.

Remember when Chooch sold cookie dough a million years ago? It came in two weeks ago (remember when Blake some of it when it didn’t belong to him??) but we just finally delivered the last of it over the weekend: a box of oatmeal raisin to some single guy named Matt who was like, “Thanks guys! I forgot I ordered this!” so I guess we could have kept it. And then a box of white chocolate macadamia for JEN who IS LIKE NEVER FUCKING HOME and I was getting RULL TIRED of seeing this gargoyle in her front yard. Anyway, she was finally home on Sunday – well, actually her husband was. Chooch knocked like 18 times, taped a SORRY WE MISSED YOU note to her door, and knocked once more for good measure when her husband actually opened the door and Chooch was stunned into silence for the first time in his life. He just stood there holding the cookie dough staring at Mr. Jen (who was holding a tape measure) until he finally sputtered, “Cookie dough. Jen ordered it.”

It felt like a major victory, I’m not going to lie. Fucking cookie dough. So sick of it.

Henry got us these totally apropos Philippine snacks from the Asian market and they are SO GOOD.

^^^ This slut.

Sometime on Sunday, we went to the mall because I wanted to buy clothes but everything I saw was trash and I was a big pouty baby about it, but oh shit Henry treated himself to two flannels and then Chooch was hanging out in some little arcade and the guy in charge was like “hey bud you wanna help me clean up in here and I’ll pay you” and that’s how Chooch wandered off and earned $5 when we weren’t paying attention to him.

I ended up going to Target later and I bought clothes there so I felt whole again DONT WORRY ABOUT ME.

On the way there, “Lies” by BIGBANG came on and I pointed out this one part near the end, literally a two-second line, that reminds me of “Because I Love You” by Stevie B., which made me nostalgically regale Henry with the story of how I used to call the local soft rock radio station constantly in high school to request “Because I Love You” by Stevie B.

“My poor friends were probably brainwashed by all of my obsessions,” I said and Henry mumbled, “Literally nothing has changed.”

“It’s weird that you don’t hear more about Stevie B,” I mused as we drove down 51 to West Mifflin.

“Is it though?” Henry asked.

Speaking of Henry, I learned this weekend that he hates girls who wear tight jeans with frayed/torn cuffs and high-heeled boots, and if he calls you a “Dicknose” he’s very mad.

Then Drew puked because she ate too many treats out of her Christmas mouse treat-dispenser and I yelled upstairs for Chooch to clean up his cat’s puke but he sent some guy named Vorshkoff in his place, and while Vorshkoff mopped up the cat spew efficiently, he also grabbed a box of matches off the table and, with fire-lust in his eyes, whispered that he’s a pyromaniac so I don’t know how credible Vorshkoff actually is. Also, his Russian accent was a bit sketchy.

Also at Target we bought this quaint Christmas chalet cat scratcher for Drew & Penelope but they won’t both go in/on it at the same time because they low-key hate each other (sometimes high-key).

To cap off the weekend, I watched The Walking Dead in real time for the first time in two years because I spent all week getting caught up and I have to say, I AM HERE FOR IT.

On that note, here’s my jam:

(The versions on Spotify are incorrect!!! He must have re-recorded it at some point and I HATE IT.)

(Also, when I would call to request it, I ALWAYS said that I was Susie from Clairton, a neighboring town, and then I would hurry and push record on my tape deck because I couldn’t find the CD at any music store for the longest time and I would just record it off the radio over and over and it always starts with ‘BECAUSEILOVEYOUBYSTEVIEB. SUSIE. FROM CLAIRTON.” My friends were traumatized with the amount of times they had to listen to this song in their cars, and there is all this footage from my camcorder days where you can hear me screeching MY HEART’S AN OPEN DOOR in the background. Oh, those were the days.)

(Also again, my aunt Sharon eventually found his greatest hits CD for me and it came in the mail – I don’t know how she found it since this was pre-Internet Times, but she realllllly loves getting on the horn and calling companies so for all I know, she found out what record label he was on and called ’em up. Sharon was MASTERFUL at getting things.)

(I miss her.)

Say it don't spray it.

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