Mar 052021
  1. Henry’s Pelican Rescue Club

Did you guys know that the Greek island Mykonos has a pelican mascot names Petros? I didn’t either until I was watching a YouTube video about Mykonos and there was this big ass friendly bird  hanging around a cafe/bakery-ish place and all of these people were treating him like he was a local and he was going inside the place and back behind the counter like he owned it and no one even did a double take. At first I was screaming “WHAT KIND OF BIRD IS THAT” because I am le Dumb at times and Henry calmly said, “That’s a pelican.” I guess I have only seen cartoon pelicans before because for some reason that would not have been my guess.

Anyway, now my curiosity was piqued so I started researching this pelican and ALLEGEDLY as the story goes, back in the 50s a fisherman rescued a pelican and then he became a mainstay, like a tourist attraction, just chilling and being super adorbs to all who passed by. THEN IN THE 80s HE DIED (some people say he was hit by car, I will fucking murder that car if it’s true) and Jackie O., who adored the OG Petros, gifted the island with a new one. NOT SURE if this pelican is still Petros v2.0 but they do apparently have quite a long lifespan, so maybe?

Totally out of the blue, or kapchuggi as one would say in Korea, Henry offered a bit of his SERVICE life to me (these always come in pieces at the most surprising moments.). EVIDENTLY, when he was in PANANA (I can’t even type this without hearing Van Halen in my airy head), HE TOO SAVED A PELICAN!!! According to Henry, he and his SERVICE bro-skis came upon a pelican that was caught in fishing line so they (probably emphasis on “they” and not “Henry”) untangled the pelican and took it to a vet.

“OH MY GOD, WAS IT OK!?!?!?” I cried in horror.

“Well, yeah, I wouldn’t have brought it up otherwise,” Henry scoffed, like I should have known better than to ask.

Of course, days later, I’m still thinking about this shit and I’ve got questions. Like:

  • How did they know where that was if they didn’t have an iPhone to google NEAREST VET IN PANAMA THAT WILL ACCEPT A PELICAN?
  • Who was the actual hero
  • Who carried the pelican?
  • Did he get a badge or medal for these heroics?!!?

So I texted Henry just now and demanded that he give me more details. His response?

“That was over 39 years ago and we had been up all night drinking. That’s about all I remember other than what I told you.”

Wow, way to keep a diary, Henry.

(He did confirm that there was no reward for his extracurricular bravery, though.)

He provided this picture of his bro-skis en route to the beach that day! Wow. Those shorts.

MORE INFO: The only other detail Henry can provide is that the guy in the blue shirt is EARL and he got KICKED OUT OF THE ENTIRE SERVICE FOR SMOKING WEED.

The rest of the blog post is all downhill from here, I’m afraid.

2. Actual Ice Cream Sandwich

I have kind of started letting myself watch travel vlogs on YouTube again even though it hurts because BITCH, WHEN but I’m bored and there’s nothing else to do but dream, you know how it is, we’re all in this together! Watching these travel vloggers makes me think back to when I was younger and going on trips with my family, and I honestly can’t remember STREET FOOD or NOVELTY SNACKS or anything like that being “a thing” for travelers to experience in the 80s and 90s. Granted, we always went on chartered tours, but you would think that after visiting Amsterdam like 4x back then, I’d have eventually partook in a stroopwaffle!? You know what I mean? But it was never a thing that was offered to us! Just cheese! So it made me wonder if the whole “foodie” part of traveling just wasn’t as popular then as it is now?

I mean, of course we had regional food in every place we visited, it’s not like we were eating, I dunno, taco salads in Italy or whatever, and we definitely gorged on gelato. But I don’t remember any of the “tourist destinations” being food-based. I’m not making sense, I know. In my slush-brained head, I know what I mean, but life is eroding what semblance of coherence I have left.

The only thing that stands out to me, and I was so excited when I remembered this the other night, was this one time when we were in Taormina, Sicily. We had free time one night so my aunt and I were strolling around, she was probably trying to pick up men and I was probably trying in vain not to look fat, when we stumbled across this street vendor who lured us over with the promise of ice cream. What he was selling ended up being Sicily’s version of the ice cream sandwich – literally ice cream tucked inside a bread bun. I remember thinking, “THIS IS PROBABLY NOT GOING TO BE GREAT” because I was 12 and basically a hormonal monster who hated everything on principle.

But it was motherfucking fantastic. Sharon and I were OBSESSED with it and I couldn’t wait to go home and tell everyone about it and by that I mean that I scooped some low quality freezer section vanilla onto your basic Wonderbread hamburger bun and made my family try it.

Of course they were like, “This….ain’t it” and I was so mad because HOW COULD I GET SO FUCKING WRONG.

I felt inspired to look up videos about this delicacy and made Henry watch it with me.

“Oooooh, brioche! They use brioche, yeah that makes sense,” I said, because I’m sure I didn’t know THE FUCK a brioche was when I was 12, ok.

“Yeah, that would make a big difference,” Henry sighed.

3. Fudge Factory 

Speaking of ice cream, Henry was perusing some ice cream shop on Instagram and salivating all up in his face-fur. But then he angled his phone to show me the pictures and suddenly I too had drool pooling in my face-fur….wait.

The name of the place is The Fudge Factory, which I’ve never heard of, so I asked him where it’s located, and before he had a chance to answer, I screeched, “UP YOUR BUTT!!!!!” because that is my standard response anytime Chooch or Henry asks where something is, and this TIME IT ACTUALLY MADE SENSE!

I was wheezing!!!! Now I had tears of laughter commingling with the Homer drool in the nooks and crannies of my chins. Even Henry KIND OF laughed, the type of laugh that he tries to stifle lest he encourage me further. So then I had to run upstairs and replay the whole scene for Chooch, who laughed out loud and then quickly tried to take it back because, you know, teenagers can’t think their parents are funny.

4. SHINee video

Probably no one will watch this but I’m still sharing because it’s FUCKING HEART-WARMING. The part where the one girl asks, “Why are there only 4 of you now?”


Even aside from that though it’s fun to watch them relive their journey from debut to now. Their career has been legendary. SHINee for-fucking-ever.

5. I Saw a Person!!

I bought Girl Scouts from one of my old high school friends, Felicia. She mentioned on IG that her daughter was selling them, thank god, because I didn’t have any cookie hook-ups this year! Of course, her daughter wasn’t selling the ones I really wanted (the maple ones that Kara texted me about and got me all hyped for!!)

Funnily, Felicia and I were also in Girl Scouts together and her mom was our troop leader. I’ve only really seen her once since high school (she came to one of my pie parties – AND HER MOM DID TOO!) so it was nice to not only see a real life person on my front porch, but also one that I’ve known since literally first grade.

Anyway, we chatted for a few minutes and she mentioned that she runs one of the Texas Roadhouse franchises and I fucking swear to god as she said it, we both in tandem looked slowly down at the crazy collection of peanut shells under my front window and started cracking up. Thank god we follow each other on IG and she knows all about my squirrel exploits, lol.

But yeah, I am fucking starved for human interaction (aside from the dumdums I live with) so I almost clutched her arm and begged her not to leave.

God love Girl Scout cookies, but man they really get skimpier and skimpier with the quantity each other, don’t they? DAMN.

“But it’s for a good cause, Erin!”

Ugh, whatever. I only ordered three boxes: Tagalongs, Samoas, and Lemon Ups or whatever they’re called. I got to have one samoa, one tagalong, and three of the lemon ones before Henry and Chooch devoured the rest like trash compactors for cookies. Jesus.

BONUS: SPEAKING OF BUDDY, here he is eating his walnuts and watching SHINee videos. He has the best life!

Now to get through Friday late shift. What a drag.

Say it don't spray it.

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