When Pittsburgh Public Schools originally announced that kids who were not put in any of the mandatory ‘back-to-school’ groups (i.e. kids with special needs, kids with poor virtual attendance, I actually don’t know because Henry is the one who read those emails not me hahaha), the rest of the kids had the option to return to school in May for a hybrid thingie (two days in school, three days virtual). Chooch was like NAH I’M COOL THANKS. So we opted out. But then I started to panic. Did we make the wrong choice? Would it be better for him to return, even if it is super late into the year, just so he can get the feel for a school that he has only been inside of once (for orientation that happened literally two weeks before everything shut the fuck down in March 2020)? So Henry contacted the person in charge to tell them that we changed our mind and that Chooch would be returning to in-person.
Today was the first day for that to happen, so Henry took today and tomorrow off work to ensure that we get him to school smoothly because I cannot be trusted with such a daunting task and we have no idea what bus he’s supposed to take because the STUPID PORT AUTHORITY WEBSITE WAS DOWN. Yes, he has to take regular public transportation to this school which is so fucking stupid but that’s what happens when there is a shortage of school bus drivers because people apparently don’t want to work I guess???
I decided I would go along for the ride because I’m late shift today and wouldn’t it be SO NICE if Henry and I had A BREAKFAST DATE AFTERWARD?
But first, we had to get Mr. Miz(rable) to school. I thought it would be fun for Henry and I to both walk him to the front door of the school, Chooch ensconced in a parental posse, but he wasn’t too KEEN on that suggestion. Instead, we had to park halfway down the block and release him into the wild.
Chooch’s school is pretty much on the University of Pittsburgh campus, so it was actually very reminiscent of the times Henry would drive me to class when I was at Pitt and I would basically roll out of the car and hide behind a bush until it was safe to come out. God forbid anyone think my DADDY was dropping me off at school!
After we dropped him off, we went to Polish Hill and walked around for about 30 minutes, waiting for Kaibur Cafe to open at 8:00am. It was pretty cold this morning and Bitch Baby Henry was only wearing a t-shirt (and pants, don’t worry) so he was like OMG I AM SO COLD and I was like “Bitch, maybe check the weather once in a while, that’s why I’m wearing a sweater.”
See also: in our weekly team meeting at work, the common topic is ALWAYS WEATHER so that is usually how I know what to expect, like the time I said a few weeks ago that it was going to snow and Henry was like BULLSHIT and I was like OK WAIT AND SEE and then it snowed and I was like THANK YOU, WEEKLY TEAM MEETING.
Henry was such a little cunt about sitting on this horsie. “UGH IT’S COLD AND WET OMG I’M SUCH A PUSSY BITCH NOW EVERYONE WILL KNOW THAT I CRIED FOR MY MOMMY EVERY DAY WHEN I WAS IN THE SERVICE.”
Here in my hand please find a copy of “The Dead Hour” by Denise Mina which I plucked from a Little Free Library moments before this photo was taken. IT BETTER BE GOOD because I had to carry it around with me for the rest of the walk.
I’m sure Chooch is fine but I kept saying “DO YOU THINK CHOOCH IS OK” every three minutes. I mean, he’s a pretty social kid and pretty much immediately made a group of friends last fall and I think at least one of them is also starting back IRL today so I was like, “DID YOU TEXT DANIIL AND TELL HIM YOU’LL MEET HIM AT LUNCH OR WHATEVER” and Chooch just glared at me so I’m not sure what that means, but we at least took him to get his hair cut last night (super last minute, true to form) so he won’t be walking down the halls looking like the Partridge Family today.
He refused to take his Frozen hand sanitizer though so Henry to give him a normal one.
Wow, so artful. But also, I can see my work building and I’m kind of sad. But also kind of still not ready to go back? LOL, I’m such a hypocrite, forcing my kid to go back to real school (“It’ll be good for you to slowly immerse yourself back into a routine!”) while I’m over here panicking about when we’ll get the official OK to return to the office.
I would like to make a cute mosaic on our front porch I WONDER IF THE SQUIRRELS WOULD LIKE THAT.
Then we ordered our food at 8 and had to sit in the car while waiting for it because it was chilly outside and some dumb guy walked by pushing a stroller, dog on leash, toddler trailing behind. Henry said, “What do you think that kid’s name is?” and with no hesitation at all, I blurted out, “Zephyr.” So then Henry kept laughing which was off-putting because he never laughs at anything I say because only MANS IS FUNNEE, and he kept hoping the guy would call his kid so we could find out but he never did but also he looked the kind of dad that would say, “SONNY BOY” instead of the kid’s name.
Then we brought our breakfast home and I’ll tell you, my vegan tofu scramble sammy was good but not $13’s worth of good.
And now I will walk to the post office and then eventually log onto work while doling out duties for Henry because STAY AT HOME is my FAVORITE HENRY. And hopefully Chooch checks in with us at some point?!!? I forgot to yell “DON’T GET BULLIED!! MOMMY LOVES YOU!!” out the window when he got out of the car UGHHHH.