wish i could tweet for a living

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 08:15 I’m sorry but burning oatmeal and then adding more milk is the key to a really delicious breakfast.#
• 08:41 Recently realized I had typo on MySpace profile which had been there for a year and I didn’t flip. Growth. #
• 10:14 Chooch likes bread. Chooch likes cheese. Chooch does not like cheese sandwiches.#
• 16:29 pinched thumb in belt while in restroom, held back scream lest someone think i was passing kidney stone or birthing. but fuck that hurt. #
• 19:31 Oh, Jonny Craig. Your voice rapes me. #
• 21:29 The Felix Culpa turned up high drowns out stupidity, even when its 300 miles away. #
• 22:15 how fun would it be to play hopscotch with human heads, i wonder? #
• 22:53 Reciting nursery rhymes at work never fails to titillate. #
• 23:14 Would eat bug as long as it was petrified in butterscotch. Maybe not a cockroach. Unless there was chocolate on that fuck. #
• 23:27 My eyes bleeding would be the least of my concerns at this point. #
• 08:13 When Capn Crunch calls, you answer. #

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