tweets have risen & they took their rosary with them

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 12:41 I imagine that being employed should be a prerequisite of house-hunting, but that’s just me.
• 15:53 “Castle”‘s a pretty good show. Wonder when it will be canceled. 
• 18:05 Words I never thought I’d say: “Get out of here while I’m cooking.” & I was talking about food, not meth!
• 18:30 Raising my son on a Peruvian accent might work if I didn’t wind up talking like I’m from the Ozarks by the end of the sentence.
• 21:21 LOLz0rz @ Cam Ward.
• 21:27 Chooch, pointing to the church across the street: “Don’t say ‘asshole’ there. Don’t say ‘bitch,’either. Or ‘jackhole’.”
• 21:57 The worst part about selling stuff on Etsy is entrusting my art with the fucking post office.
  

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• 01:14 Everything @awoodhick tells me, I already know.
• 10:45 “she can make the salt taste like sugar on her hands” kills me every time.
• 14:31 I’m not ashamed of how excited I am to dye eggs tomorrow night.
• 16:47 Texted Henry to alert him that something is dripping in the basement. I hope he doesn’t think I’m coming on to him.
• 17:34 Me: “what do u want for dinner?” Chooch: “I want to eat ppl.” That can be arranged, my sweet son.
• 18:56 I just had a fleeting image of drowning inside a stewed tomato-stuffed skull.
  

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• 01:03 RIP Switchblade. You made a flavorful beverage for my cats, though I’m still not sure they were aware of your existence.
• 13:15 Alisha never wants this magnificent Rod Stewart jam to end.
• 16:21 Today I’m buying a lightbulb. For the first time. Ever.
• 20:06 I just learned how to close a pizza box. I’m 29.
• 20:13 Apparently scene party at my house.
• 20:36 My egg-dyeing party was crashed. I’M PISSED.
• 21:38 I love u, Evgeni Malkin
  

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• 10:20 Happy Easter, twitholes.
• 10:23 Chooch is not grasping the concept of “hidden basket” & expects us to find it for him. Just like when I lose something.
• 11:12 I cut my thumb. Who knew stuffing a canister of Jesus band-aids in Chooch’s basket would be a good idea.
• 12:38 Already cried & I’m not even around my family yet. Happy fucking Easter!
• 14:10 My family’s always pushed me to write a book. I don’t think they really want that, because I promise it will be a tell-all. About them.
• 15:23 There are things I wish I could blow up with my mind. Well, one thing. In Ohio.
• 16:01 Henry bought cookies that look like Lance Armstrong’s genitalia.
• 16:25 http://twitpic.com/38a81 – Jesus saves.
• 19:48 According to Chooch, one has to be gay to like parmesan.
• 19:55 http://twitpic.com/38mm1 – A very alternative Easter dinner.
• 20:15 Pineapple upside down pie (PIE?!) provokes strong feelings of hate, confusion & disgust from deep within. I cannot explain at this time.
• 20:28 Dyanna & Henry just partook in an intimate pie-sharing moment. It was beautiful. And Alisha is dumbz0rz.
• 21:14 GK Chesterton, the Apostle of Common Sense, may very well be my new hero. Tonight I may pray to him.
• 21:18 When I’m entertaining, I like putting on the Eternal Word Television Network for my friends to get religiously learnt.
• 21:47 http://twitpic.com/38ug2 – Alisha, doing the Rosary.
• 21:59 Dyanna has hiccups & Alisha is slowly unraveling at Rosary with Mother Angelica. Amazing Easter festivities.
• 22:00 WHAT Dyanna turned EWTN off, that assholewhore piece of pineapple upside down pie! WHAT!!??

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