Jun 302018

If you read that trainwreck of a liveblog from last week, you know that we had some free time last Friday and actually got our shit together in enough time to take the train from Newark to Penn Station. We’re getting a little better at these things. I mean, we’re still bumbling tourists, but we got on a train heading in the right direction, so that was cool, and we all ended up sitting separately which served as a perfectly-timed reprieve after spending all day in the car together. BYYYYEEEE BITCHES.

For an entire 30 minutes, anyway. Sigh.

Chooch of course made friends with the people he sat with. I did NOT make friends with the guy next to me. I’m not sure where Henry was sitting and never bothered asking him how his ride was because, Henry.

Aside from going to Central Park so Chooch could catch idiotic Pokemon and then running into Super Junior (!!!!), we mostly just walked around and looked at things, flipped off Trump Tower, sang the NO YOU AREN’T GETTING ANY DESIGNER CLOTHING song to Chooch while walking down Fifth Avenue, and had a highly anticipated food-related hunger blow-out. So basically, it was the Oh Honestlys in [insert literally any city, ever].

Because we’re in the middle of a heat wave and I have spent way too much outside, my brain is goo so I’m just going to post a shit ton of photos I took with my phone and call it a day*, because I already reported all the exciting things. The rest was just us literally walking and walking and walking like we do in cities. Let’s just say that even after spending 7 hours in the car that day, I still managed to get 23,000 steps.

*(I just finished writing this whole thing and came back up here to say, “lol, nice try Erin, this piece of shit post is still over 1,100 words.”)

Here’s Chooch, as close as he’s gonna get to Hamilton. (He’s obsessed with Hamilton, I mean, who isn’t, I guess). This was right before we saw Super Junior! The same sidewalk!!!

Chooch in Times Square. I thought he would be overwhelmed, but he was like, “Well, we were in Seoul, so….” #SeoulFTW #SorryNYC

I just kept taking pictures. That’s what you’re supposed to do there, right?

I always hear that Times Square often plays kpop stuff on the screens there but I didn’t notice anything on this particular day.

Those Minnie Mouses back there next to the texting Statue of Liberty were actually old ladies. Henry was obsessed with them.

Every time Chooch saw an adult shop, lingerie store, or anything relating to women, he would scream, “OH, HE LOOKED!” and Henry was just like, “FUNNY HOW YOU’RE THE ONE WHO ALWAYS SEES THESE THINGS FIRST, THOUGH” and it is pretty funny, actually. What a fun game! Anyway, Chooch nearly fell into a garbage can in his urgent attempt to catch Henry looking at the giant Aerie ads up there.

We had fun telling Chooch he couldn’t go in the Lego store, lol. That place is like the equivalent of a hardware store to me.

Obligatory pictures.

OMG we were dying over Henry squatting to tie his shoe because it brought back memories of him squatting down in front of my pink backpack in Busan Station, so we were in tears and Henry was like, “IT’S NOT FUNNY*” as he pushed past us. Chooch and I have so much fun together at Henry’s expense.

*(Honestly, it’s definitely not that funny to anyone else but Chooch and me, like the time Janna hit her head getting off the train at Kennywood and I had to run to the bathroom while I was trying to tell Barb about it the next day at work because I thought I was going to pee my pants. I guess I was just born with extra funny bones. #birthdefect)

This was taken while some guy was yelling, “THERE’S A FUCKIN’ FENCE THERE!!” when his wife suggested walking a certain way and just in case you think I’m being all subtle here because it was actually me and Henry, let me remind you that I AM NOT HIS WIFE NOR WILL I EVER BE because I’m holding out for a hero Korean.

Another great “Overheard in NYC” convo was when we were waiting to cross the street and some broad was scream-talking into her cell phone about some guy who’s engaged to a girl “AND EVERYONE KNOWS HE’S GAY” and I wanted to hear more about this but the light changed.

KOREATOWN!! Of course we had to go to Koreatown. Unfortunately, it was reaching prime time on a Friday night and every restaurant had a long wait.

<3 G-Dragon <3

You would never see anything like this in stupid backward Pittsburgh.

Anyway, around this time, Chooch and I were reaching the Hunger Apex and it was Big Trouble In Little Korea for real, trying to find a place on a Friday night that was family friendly, and then Henry was like, “HERE LET’S EAT AT THIS PIZZA PLACE THAT’S SMALLER THAN OUR KITCHEN AND POTENTIALLY HAS ROACHES” and I was like, “You can go fuck yourself, Hank” and then it was all, “THEN LET’S JUST GO BACK TO NEWARK, THIS IS FUCKED!!!” and Chooch was like, “YOU KNOW WHAT, I’M SO HUNGRY THAT I ATE MY HUNGER AND NOW I’M NOT HUNGRY ANYMORE, THANKS FOR BEING SHITTY PARENTS” but then right before Henry had a chance to make good on his bluff of going back into Penn Station, I looked on Yelp and found some pizza place around the corner called NY Pizza Suprema and was like, “IT’S HERE OR A VENDING MACHINE, MOTHERFUCKERS” and since I picked it, it ended up being some award-winning joint that Anthony Bourdain (rip) has visited.

But we had no idea about that until after we sat down with our pizza.

It thankfully wasn’t too crowded, though it definitely wasn’t quiet, so we were able to quickly order and appease the hunger demons.

The one on the left is vegan (lol, I eat cheese, but I wanted to see if it was any good and it actually was super fucking good) and the one on the right was Hot Honey, which was fucking fantastic and oh, how I wish I had an entire pie in front of me right now. It literally had some local hot honey drizzled on top of hearty clumps of ricotta and the best specks of mushrooms I’ve ever had on a pizza. It was just what I didn’t know I needed.

There’s a picture of Anthony Bourdain hanging up there. :(

Chooch and Henry both got sicilian slices and I’m happy to report that everyone was extremely satisfied and we were magically transformed back into a happy family. Thank you, NY Pizza Suprema.

Henry, earlier that day: “We can go if we get to Newark early enough because I don’t want to be in NYC at night.” Lol ok.

And then we got back on the train to Broad Station. We all got to sit together this time, which was fine I guess since we were on speaking terms again. It was fun watching all of the weirdos trying to interact with people.

Then we went back to our “hotel,” which was even BETTER AT NIGHT, you can probably imagine. What a great town Newark is.

Say it don't spray it.

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