Jul 062022

We already chatted about Saturday in Michigan, and then strolled down Monday’s memory lane together, so now let’s grab some beverages of choice and you can attend my riveting recap of our Sunday! But instead of starting with Sunday morning, let’s just skip ahead to the evening, after we left Michigan’s Adventure.

Because I literally cannot do a damn thing in sequential order!

The park was about 3.5 hours away from where we were staying – it was all the way up in Muskegon and Henry’s weird logic was to get one hotel near Bill and Jessi and stay there for both Saturday and Sunday night.

Someone had REGERTZ.

I mean, the park closed at 8 so even if we had stayed until closing, we would have gotten back probably by midnight. Not ideal but not awesome either. So we unanimously opted to leave the park around 5 which seems like it would have been a great idea except that I found a town called HOLLAND on Roadside America and now I desperately needed to go here to see the windmill. I figured we could eat there and found a place with veg/vegan options that seemed good and Henry agreed to this plan for some reason, even though it was kind of NOT ON THE ROUTE BACK.

First, we had to stop at a car wash because Henry parked the car under a tree at the hotel so the next morning one whole side of the car was straight Pollocked with bird shit and various tree droppings. GOOD ONE, HENRY. Of course, it was on Chooch’s and my side so we had to see it every time we got into the car, ugh. It was so gross that there was no way we could wait until we got home to deal with it.

Car washes will never not be fun for me.

Then we got to Holland and you will note that there are no photos here of Holland and that is because it was a SUPER POPULAR TOURIST TOWN and not the little rural knock-off Netherlands that I had imagined in my dumb head. It’s also apparently a college town and the people we encountered as we walked to the restaurant were YUPPIES and other types that were not our kind of people at all. These were the rich leisurelies.

And FORGET EATING IN HOLLAND if you don’t have a reservation anywhere. There was a line out the door for the place I originally picked and then we tried some hoity toity pizza place down the street and the hostess was like, “It will be an hour wait” and we were like, “K bye.”

I was so mad! And also the windmill I wanted to see was located on whatever “Windmill Island” is but Henry said it was closed and honestly, he was probably lying but I didn’t even care enough to fact-check his ass at that point.

Henry said we were going to be driving past Grand Rapids though and suggested that I look for somewhere there. I found a place called Stella’s that seemed cool.

Unlike DUMB HOLLAND, downtown Grand Rapids was not poppin’. At least, not the area surrounding Stella’s.

It was sometime after 7 by now, and Stella’s only had a 20 minute wait. I gladly put my name in and we walked around the block a little bit while Henry kept saying, “How far are we going?” the whole time and I was like “OMFG GO BACK IF YOU WANT” Jesus!!

Never pass up an opportunity to turn Chooch into a wallflower! LOOK AT THE PRESH FACE.

The back of Stella’s was way more eye-poppin’ than the front!

Anyway, I got the text saying our table was ready before 20 minutes even passed.

Yo, I loved this place so much IMMEDIATELY. It was my kind of vibe: a little bit of punk, a whisper of goth, a smudge of rockabilly. Plus, Thundercats was playing on the TV at the bar!!

I don’t think Chooch talked to us at all. He was being a big crybaby because he wasn’t hungry and we were like, “WELL WE ARE, SO.” He did end up ordering something thank god – I hate it when he pouts and doesn’t get anything because it makes me feel weird as a parent and as I’m typing this I am overcome with the photo album in my mind flipping through mental snapshots of all the times I pulled that shit on Henry, lolololololololol. My favorite was when we were at a diner in San Bernadino when we were out that way for Coachella in 2004 and I was feeling A BIG WAY like literally having a major body image breakdown,, that I refused to order anything and then LEFT HIM THERE after he ordered so he had no choice but to stay there and eat alone while I cried in the car in 110 degree desert heat so who was the real loser in this scenario, lol.

I got a salad with fake chicken. It was fine and didn’t make me sick, and in this season of my life (I HATE WHEN PEOPLE SAY THAT LOL), that’s all I can ask for.

Chooch got vegan wings and they were really good – they were super substantial, and he couldn’t finish them all so I was allowed to have one. Oh, and Anthony Green’s “Dear Child” came on at one point! Love when I can enjoy a decent meat-free meal in a cool bar with music of my youth(ish) playing. I have literally never heard an Anthony Green/Circa Survive song in public (non-concert venue) before. When I cried, “OMG DO YOU HEAR WHO THIS IS??” Henry paused for a second and then said, with REALLY SEXY CONFIDENCE, “Anthony Green.”

I mean, I can’t be surprised. I had been obsessed with Circa Survive since almost the beginning of our relationship right up until Kpop pushed everything non-Korean out of my heart.

I guess Stella’s is big on ice cream sandwiches because the dessert selection was 5 different varieties.

Henry and I got the chocolate peanut butter one to share and it was DELECTABLE. Chooch said he didn’t want one.

Bathroom selfie! See also: Not Dressed for Holland.

(Can I just note that these shorts are from some junior brand at JC Penney’s and literally the most comfortable shorts of my whole adult life? I had to finally accept the fact that me and jean shorts just ain’t happenin’ anymore and ever since then, I was able to open my world – and wardrobe – up to linen and other non-denim fabric shorts and I am finally able to be comfortable in the summer heat now! I have a bunch of different ones from the Kohl’s juniors department too because the options in the adult womens section AIN’T IT, SIS. Thank you. This has been Erin’s Fashion Corner.)

It wasn’t too notable in there, but the stall doors were mildly entertaining.

I came back to the table to see that Chooch now had an ice cream sandwich, all ready to go in a plastic container. He said he was going to take it with him and “eat it later” in the car but then had it 90% devoured on the one block walk back to our car, so.

What a great experience! I would hang out there all the time if I lived in Grand Rapids and had friends.

“You have us,” Henry said.

“Yeah as I was saying, if I had friends,” I re-emphasized.

Hilariously, we still didn’t get back to the dumb hotel until around midnight and the best part was that the ROOM KEY DIDN’T WORK ANYMORE so we had to wait for Henry to go back to the lobby and get it fixed, which was awesome because you know how when you’re past the point of regular exhaustion, your body starts to feel twitchy and like bugs are crawling inside your skin? Yeah, that was us Sunday night, waiting for the GODDAMN ROOM KEY.

Say it don't spray it.

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