Mar 222012

Henry couldn’t take me to work yesterday. You know me, of course I got myself all worked up into a sweaty frenzy by the time I made it to the trolley stop, but at least I got to ride the T with these two sweethearts, who would NEVER hit an uncircumcised penis, FOR YOUR INFORMATION.


And by hit, I believe they mean “swaddle with their vaginas.”

The fact that I couldn’t actually see the pink-haired broad’s nips leads me to believe that she didn’t have any, but then someone at work pointed out that her jugs were so big, they could have been ROLLED UNDER. Oh the sting of bile against my esophagus.

She sat down and immediately started taking blatant tit-pics, which she was texting to some perv who obviously has a host of sick sexual kinks. He apparently was texting cock-shots back, which spawned the aforementioned circumcision convo with her friend who has burn marks all over her arms and is pregnant, of course.

Also, Pinkie talks about: chicken and biscuits; being A BIG GIRL (she declared this 9 times with a puffed-out chest; yes, put your imagination on a hamster wheel for that one); the Eat n Park breakfast buffet with such relish &  drool that you’d think it was the east coast sister restaurant of Dan Tana’s; Pinkie is also very forthcoming (& loud) about her private piercings (“Well, when I got my PUSSY PIERCED…”), causing every male head on the T to snap to attention. (But not in a “That’s hot” way.)

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I know I can be crass and vulgar at times, but these bitches and their raunchfest were making me feel like a motherfucking nun. I can’t even imagine being that filterless in such an enclosed public space. I don’t even like talking on my phone in public!

And at least I wear clothes that fit me.

The highlight for me, even moreso than when she flashed her whale tail at the last stop, was when Pinkie stood up and started singing SWV’s whiny mid-90’s R&B hit “I Get Weak,” grinding against invisible club goers, who hopefully had enough decency to puke their invisible vomit in her breast basin.

God, I felt like a WASP compared to them. Nothing beats being in a 10-foot vicinity of ghetto white trash to put things into perspective for me. BY GOLLY MY LIFE AIN’T SO BAD YA’LL.

  7 Responses to “Trolley Tits”

  1. I just…I can’t even begin to imagine a reality where anything about those two’s existence is in anyway appropriate or justifiable.

    Two quick observations:

    1) I would be surprised if there were indeed enough penises willing to be swaddled by those cyclopean vagina’s for them to be choosy about, snipped or not.

    2) Perhaps Pinkie is actually without nipples, in the manner of early Japanime. Only, instead of being the innocent schoolgirl about to be horrible raped by a tentacle monster before exploding into a fine red mist, she IS the tentacle monster :(

  2. Whu? Maybe I should start taking public trans so I can have something interesting to write about. I have no words for those sasquaches except they look like the chicks who work at the topless bar next to our apartment.

  3. Breast basin! Ha!

    Eww. But I bet they get more than their fair share of schlongs. Some men are shameless.

  4. This post illustrates pretty much EXACTLY why I am in love with public transportation. Non-stop entertainment.

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