Apr 132012


I feel like this is what I look like every time someone at work tries to talk to me while I’m eating my apple, which is EVERY TIME because evidently there are some people who just physically can’t speak to me unless I have a wad of apple mush lodged between my teeth and uvula. And I’m like, “Really? Because you’ve had SEVEN HOURS where there was nothing in my mouth but perhaps a jellybean and disturbing commentary fighting to break loose.”

Speaking of apples, Aaron walked past me around 6:30 yesterday and said, “There’re apples in the fridge.” I was like, “Um, OK great, but everyone knows I brought a Jonagold today.

” And then I turned to my right to lovingly stroke it BUT IT WAS GONE.

I frantically pawed around my desk drawers, my purse, gave the surface of Lee’s desk a cursory glance, to no avail.

Then I replayed Aaron’s announcement and it occurred to me that he said, “YOUR apple is in the fridge.” So I ran to the fridge where I found my little baby shivering on a shelf.

Aaron told me later that Chris took it as payback for the Great Orange Ball Kidnapping, but Aaron felt compelled to tell me because he is supposedly my ally but IS HE REALLY?

One time a few weeks ago, he told me I was his best friend, but then kept narrowing it down so it became “in the department” and then “in this quadrant” and then “in this quadrant but only while Barb is out on medical leave” and then “in this quadrant but only after everyone else goes home at 5:30 because you are the type of girl a person can only be secret best friends with due to all the shame.”

I’m making most of this up now. Because I am HYPER! I am HYPER because Christina is coming to visit this weekend for the first time since October 2009! I have reason to believe it will be a little less angry and tense as when we spent the afternoon together in Columbus last month trying to see if we could be in the same city without my anger dismembering her. It went OK. I think this weekend will be better, though.

UPDATE: Chris said he did NOT take my apple last night and I’m inclined to believe him.

  2 Responses to “Apple Gagging”

  1. I’m sending you anti-dismemberment vibes right now. And I am going to eat a Gala right now before my son gets the last one.

  2. So far I have only lost a few fingers.

Say it don't spray it.

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