Finally, we got the approval to decorate for Halloween again this year! I’ve known since last October what I was going to do this year.
Last year’s was so graphic and murder-y, so I decided to go a different route: clowns. It seems like most of the department are coulrophobic! And it just so happens I have a few clowns in my collection.
Henry and I had a huge fight about the fabric. I’m sorry but fabric stores are gross! I didn’t want to be there at all, and I threw a massive fit about how ridiculous it was that I couldn’t find striped fabric.
“You only looked in one rack!” Henry cried, whic prompted me to scathe, “Oh, don’t you talk to me that way!
” and storm out of the store. Sunday was a fabulous day!
(Obviously, I sent him back out for the fabric.)
(The randomly jutting clown shoe scares Brad.)
So, one of the first components I began working on last week was defacing pictures of Glenn.
Watching me turn Glenn into a Juggalo, Lee asked, “What started your beef with Glenn, anyway?”
This gave me pause. You know, I can’t be certain exactly what happened, but I know that he sassed me one time. And for that, he will forever be my joke-pony.
Anyway, the seedling of my idea was to get a bunch of those prize machine capsules and fill it with candy and a picture of Glenn (collect them all!).
Crooked Cop Glenn!
I also made a bunch of department-centric fortunes. My favorite is: Never underestimate the power of a Barb Riley Nastygram.
So I did all of these things, ordered those plastic vending capsules in bulk, and then thought to myself, “WTF am I putting these in?” Certainly not just a random bowl. So I made a beachball-sized paper mache clown head (with Henry’s help—I’m not allowed to use the hand mixer). It took all weekend and was one of the most frustrating projects of my life (hi, I hate crafts, remember?), but I am so in love with him now! My babe!
It’s surprising to me how many people either hesitated or flat out refused to put their hand in his mouth, like I am so untrustworthy! Barb is so thrilled she gets to stare at the back of his bald head all day.
And what goes along with carnivals and circuses? Side show freaks!
Carey as the Tattooed Lady! A Fiji Mermaid!
Midget pacifier-sucking Brad! Bloody circus peanuts!
Chris and Lee, Ultimate Law Firm Bromance! (Lee is so angry and traumatized about this.)
Moustache and beard lollipops!
Fiji Mermaid up close!
Barb the Contortionist!
Random babies in a bottle!
So, this is why I haven’t been writing much on here lately: I’ve got a one-track mind!
Mostly, it’s been received very positively. I mean, it’s fun! It’s interactive! It’s mean-spirited toward Glenn (who secretly loves it)! Even some people who don’t usually talk to me have stopped to appreciate it. I just hope that the few anti-fun people here don’t get upset and complain.
But if last year’s Murder Desk was allowed to carry on throughout the entire month, I don’t see why this one can’t, too.
I still have some more things to do, but one thing’s for sure: all the clown haters sure do love me right now.