Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 15:16 i made a new etsy shop just for my dumb peetchurs. A sign that i should reconsider college. tinyurl.com/6f4h6t #
• 17:51 If I was a dog, I’d be tenderly licking my balls right now. #
• 22:46 twitpic.com/hijk – Being overly dramatic about the cold weather. #
• 23:46 Henry has secret hooker case studies. #
• 23:57 Me: “where do u masturbate?” Henry: “in the front yard. STOP TWEETING ABOUT ME.” #
• 11:33 Today, chooch learned the detrimental consequences of ricochet. #
• 12:58 twitpic.com/hkzj – Watching Lost Boys sans vampires, aka License to Drive. #
• 16:48 Henry had scissors in his hands today and I honest to god flinched. Never start a fight w/ a man holding scissors, brainiac. #
• 17:15 I’m going to be in Buffalo in two weeks and I need to find some shit to desecrate. Or at least, a good vegetarian restaurant. #
• 00:22 tonite i managed to walk up my pitch-black driveway to the house w/o socializing w/ any roaming cracked-out “neighbors.” Henry was proud. #
• 00:27 when i reference hookers, i’m merely referring to myself. #

• 08:40 I really want the next High School Musical to be Trade School Opera. #
• 09:12 I wonder how difficult it would be to book Laurie Berkner for my funeral. #
• 10:15 I’m paralyzed by the blood of Christ. And all that cat urine I shot into my veins this morning. #
• 11:17 If I start now, I might be able to get Chooch to speak with a natural, yet subtle, Slovak accent. #
• 11:18 It’ll make my adoption via gypsy caravan story more believable. That and the tambourine I’ll glue to his hand. #

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