Nov 172008

Urgent. Will die without reading.

  • 13:50 Me: “chooch don’t you think mommy and daddy should get married?” Chooch: “asshole!” #
  • 15:12 Just woke up chooch in the backseat so he could see his first rainbow. His response? A grumpy “you asshole.” #
  • 20:33 Some guy just walked around introducing himself. Janna asked “did he just bless us?” Um no. He told us his name. #
  • 20:50 There is a woman at this party getting pleasured by a snake. #
  • 21:43 Janna hit me!!! #
  • 22:16 I pee fast. Like a doood. #
  • 22:28 I love u when I’m drunk. #
  • 22:36 There needs to be some cheese cubes going on in this bitch. Yo. Sup. #
  • 23:03 Apparently, she’s in my tit. #
  • 23:03 I have to change my tam to the pon. #
  • 23:35 Mr. Aorta wants to talk to you! Hear the cries of the carrots!!! You fuckers!! #
  • 23:55 Evidentally I look JUST LIKE a WWE diva. #
  • 10:22 What good is a supposed best friend if they never answer their phone. Currently screening for a new one, submit applications. #

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I went to my friend Brenna’s birthday party Saturday night. (Though, if you go by my text to Christina, I was “drunk at Bernna s parteeeee.”)  She asked me to bring food, so I brought Janna but then was severely disappointed when no one noshed on her thigh. I also brought a bottle of wine and then demanded that Brenna open it immediately because Mama’s kid had given her some shaky hands. I drank a big cup of Merlot entirely too fast, got nice and warm, discovered some kind gentleman had brought a case of Woodchuck, and my mental reflexes quickly went downhill from there.

But it was a good time. We laughed a lot, mostly I laughed for no reason much like the criminally insane (I mean, so I hear) and punched Janna’s arm a lot. I even got to explore Brenna’s basement, in the purest, non-sexual sense.  


Brenna’s friends were nice. Liz (whom I’ve met previously and already knew was rad) and Diana doled out cigarettes to me (and Diana kept poking Janna’s belly which I was glad for); Nick was my designated bottle-opener throughout the night; Jay entertained me with tales of psychedelic cats and crystals; Dave showed me a picture of his cat licking its ass and then said I look like WWE diva Jillian Hall (I Googled her when I came home, and while I do look like I’m on steroids, my jugs are nowhere near as mountainous); and Willis, after blessing us, showed off his art portfolio AND invited us back for a feast, at which point Jay blurted out that he wants to slaughter his own lamb and I was like, “Damn, this party done got GOOD.”


Happy birthday, Brenna!

  13 Responses to “Tweets celebrate a birthday”

  1. lol at Chooch calling everyone an asshole. The apple really doesnt fall far from the tree!

  2. I must hear chooch say “you asshole”

  3. some of the best tweets ever!!!!

  4. “and Willis, after blessing us, showed off his art portfolio AND invited us back for a feast,”

    He blessed you? Like, with holy water and stuff?

  5. Tolhurst.

  6. I’m so glad that you both came to the party!! Yay! My friends are awesome!

  7. You do look like Jillian Hall! And it has nothing to do with steroids!

    And I’m glad you put “Dave showed me a picture of his cat licking its ass” and not “his ass” since A) he’s a she, and B) well, c’mon, it would sound like Sierra was licking my ass.

Say it don't spray it.

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