Sep 162013


Henry painted the legs and knobs yesterday and was able to put them back on by late afternoon. And that was it! DONE! (Well, except it still needs more coats of Mod Podge plus a hard coat, but I figured it looked done enough that I could put a picture on here and say it’s done and you people would believe me.) We (haha “we”) used a textured black metallic paint for the legs and knobs, but that’s also what’s in the center of the table, so the pictures have a sparkly border to them.

We make such a good team!! I just stand there, arms akimbo, lips pursed, pointing out everything he’s done wrong and then he snaps, “I’M NOT DONE YET.”


The most amazing part to me is that Henry and I made it through three weeks of  this without severely fighting or me flipping the table through the living room window! (The latter is mostly because I didn’t really have anything to do with this project other than gathering Instagram pictures and then doling them out to Henry 10 at a time to ensure they were laid down in an order I approved of. If I had to paste any of the pictures down, that would have been the end of the table, and possibly Henry’s life.)

There are pictures from cemeteries, amusement parks, fairs, the Bayernhof!!!, all of the cats, my brother, Blake, various friends, Warped Tour, Pierce the Veil, and just random moments that I’m happy to have to look at every day. Henry, however, is not amused that there are so many pictures of him, and that just makes me happier! There’s even a picture of the day we were locked out of the house because that still makes me laugh!


Look how magnificent this gold is! I begged Henry to paint our living room ceiling in the same vein, but that proposal was vetoed with a disgusted glare. The other desk-thingie that he’s working on is going to be entirely gold glitter like the drawers. But this one also has doors on it, so I want him to paint those with black, pink and gold chevron stripes, to tie that in with the coffee table. Henry was like, “….what are chevron stripes?” so I showed him a picture and he sighed wearily.

I don’t know how much this project ended up costing us, you’d have to ask Henry since I tend to black out anytime we’re in Home Depot or Lowe’s. But the table itself was literally $10 at Goodwill. I guess because there was particle board in the center and it was coming up on some of the sides and basically looked like shit. My original idea last year was to just sand it down and paint it with chalkboard paint, but now I’m glad Henry was too unmotivated to work on it, because it forced me  to think things out better. And you really have to catch Henry at the right time when it comes to these things. He’s really good at the projects I give him, but it has to be on his terms (which I hate because this is MY kingdom, but whatever). I was so annoyed that it took him so long to finish this table, but he quietly explained to me that he wanted to “not rush through it and get it done right.” Like he was deflowering it, I guess.


My favorite part is that someday, this will hopefully be in Chooch’s house (and not a landfill) and he’ll get to tell his friends and family about the different pictures and then he’ll get tired of explaining things and start directing people to my blog and then maybe my blog stats will spike. That is, if blogs still exist then.

I told Chooch that this might end up being a family heirloom someday and he gave me a look that could make Henry’s basic frown shrivel in fear.

“Dad, why do we have a picture of some weird guy yawning on our table?” future Chooch-spawn might ask.

Chooch, sighing heavily, “I don’t know. Here, just go read grandma’s blog.”

Two down, 87,154 more to go! (Seriously, I want everything in our bedrooms re-done, too. Hahahahahaha.)


  2 Responses to “Future Heirloom: Fini!”

  1. SLEEPY TROLLEY GUY! Oh that’s hysterical!

    I feel like I need to tell you, there is sparkly Mod Podge. Different kinds too. One that’s more shimmery, one that’s straight up glitter, one that’s just sparkly… and the sparkles never come out.

    I am in desperate love with this table. No shit.

    • I’ve seen that Mod Podge! Sometimes I get stuck going to the craft store with Henry, lol.

      Picking out the pictures was so much fun! Henry was frowning a lot, like, “Why do you want to use THESE!?” but Chooch and I were cracking up!

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