Jan 132009


When Milly came calling on Ethel one afternoon, she was a bit unnerved by the soft plopping sensation she kept feeling on her shoulders.

Milly tried not to look distracted while Ethel yammered on about the new compost pile her husband Jim-Bitch had engineered right there in the backyard, next to the rusted 1967 pick up truck and behind the pig sty. As more gentle plops landed upon her shoulders and gingham’d bosom, Milly tightened her grip on the mason jar of moonshine Ethel done served up. Trying her darndest to retain eye contact, she waited for Ethel to get up and whip her kids before flicking and swiping at the hardening lumps on her shoulders.

Twenty-eight minutes into her visit, Milly was taking a long slurp of ‘shine when something wet and mushy went splat-squish on her head. And then, a second later, a thick brook of warm goo glooped right on down her forehead, right on past the whisker-sprouting mole, before pooling into a moist inlet of fecal marsh at the bridge of her nose.

Looking up slowly, Milly was met with ruffled feathers and at least eight sets of beady eyes.

“Ya’ll gots some birds up in there,” she drawled to Ethel, pointing up at the rafters. And she took another long gulp of moonshine while Ethel went to town with a leather belt on the backside of her redheaded stepson for burying the neighbor in the brand new compost pile, goddammit.

  7 Responses to “Birds, They’ll Peck U”

  1. these birdies make me smile…
    the the story makes me be like, “what the…!?”

    wonderful work as usual.

  2. Hehe I giggled my way through that. I like these birdies. =D

  3. Hey, you’re writing about my relatives in Ky again!

    Those are the most charismatic little birds ever. I love them.

  4. I had something really witty to say then the timer told me my dinner was done and I burnt the hell out of my thumb taking it out of the oven. So I apologize but you kick major ass.

Say it don't spray it.

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