May 032009

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

  • 18:56 Me to Alisha, after she left the room while I was spraying Febreeze: “You don’t like Febreeze!?” Alisha: “Not on me, no.” #
  • 23:32 And the Canucks just shit their pants. #

  • 00:27 Check out: “10 Questions: Blogger and Etsy Artist Erin Kelly” ( #
  • 10:20 Just had a flashback to when my cat’s LiveJournal was accepted into a pretentious journal review community. Shit, those were the days. #
  • 11:02 @skyspun pathetic right? at my obsessive height, I think I had 8 fake LJs going at once. One was an amputated leg. #
  • 11:58 If you need me, I’ll be out back, dunking my head in a rusted vat of kerosene. #
  • 14:15 TouchnBrush is one of those unnecessary products I just have to have. Especially since it enables one to apply toothpaste with ONE HAND. #
  • 14:16 Which makes it prudent for me since I have that amputation scheduled for the fall. #
  • 17:36 Trying to find a gypsy caravan to join on Craigslist. I know I have a lot to offer. At the very least, I could be their sex pet. #
  • 18:17 @daboogmang that’s the dream! Plus, I really want to wear long sequined skirts and carry a tambourine. And u know, pick-pocket fools. #
  • 18:45 Training Chooch to be a pick-pocketer. Gonna wait til the church across the street lets out tmrw for a trial run. #

  • 09:43 Lately, everything reminds me of 1998. It’s like being in purgatory. #
  • 11:33 I want to make a wall stencil that says “enter as neighbors, leave as a dead body in a garbage bag.” #
  • 11:34 And now I’m laughing so hard & Henry is scowling. #
  • 12:55 Pre-hockey dry heaves are awesome & remind me how totally NOT PATHETIC I am. Later, I’ll queue up some Sally Struthers hunger ads & cry. #
  • 16:22 Spent 60min in a room amid flashing engagement rings. It was not awesome. Henry said he’ll buy a ring when he finds a girl to give it to. #
  • 16:32 Getting a box of smashed cupcakes as an engagement congratulation gift: just one of the perks of being my friend. #
  • 18:28 There are times when I wish I wasn’t too ADD to learn pipe bomb assemblage. This is one of those times. #
  • 20:03 I caught Henry engaging in a bro-shake with our neighbor. Can’t wait til I catch them shaking weeners. #
  • 21:18 Officially off mom-duty. What should I do first: speedball, cock fight, Jello-wrestle an Albino. #
  • 22:56 It’s always nice when Henry reads something I wrote & says “you’re disturbed” & when I ask “what part?” he goes “the whole thing.” A+ #
  • 23:32 Where has all the cowporn gone. #
  • 14:00 May’s Dark Artist Spotlight is on moi, go check it out! #

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  2 Responses to “Tweets are Late for a Date”

  1. “# 16:32 Getting a box of smashed cupcakes as an engagement congratulation gift: just one of the perks of being my friend. # ”

    for a second i read that as you having gotten a box of smashed cupcakes as an engagement present. i got palpitations!

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