Aug 062023

I am totally going out of order and have so much to recap here for my fairy tale lala imaginary friends, but I want to talk about all the shit that happened today to Henry that was no funny but also so incredibly funny that every time I thought about it today on the bus while mostly everyone was napping, I was trying so hard to contain giddy brays that my entire body was shuddering.

First thing this morning, Henry woke up on a mission to find a bank ATM before we left Copenhagen later that morning. Now, we were under strict instructions by Tim to be at the bus by 8:15 because we had to get an early start on the day due to traveling between parks. So he gets back and says, “Well, I can’t get to it because the street it’s on is under construction, I’ll just get to one later” and I panicked because we aren’t going to be in big cities after Copenhagen and we needed cash to give to Tim for the driver’s tip. Really not that big of a deal, but I hate how Henry is always putting shit off and not every taking my advice, etc. So I got RULL irritated about this and Henry snapped, “FINE I’LL GO TO THE ONE IN CENTRAL STATION” which is like, maybe a 10 minute (15?) walk from our hotel. Now, by this point, it was nearly 7am and that’s when it was suggested that we head to breakfast.

“Should we wait for him?” I asked Chooch, who looked at me and then we started cracking up because why would we ever.

So we totally went to breakfast without him and then our new friend Pam came in and asked if she could sit with us, like she even needs to ask! I was totally saving the seat next to me for her, anyway. But here’s the THING, the day before, Pam and this guy Kevin from our group pretty much buddied up and spent the whole day together at both parks. “I guess they’re an item now,” Chooch murmured when they strode past us at Tivoli Gardens last night.

So after we sat down at a 4-top, Kevin came over with a glass of OJ and asked, “Mind if I join you?” I happily chirped, “Not at all!” and Chooch gave me this look like, “WHAT” and I just shrugged like, “Oh well, you snooze you lose.”

So then Henry came in, got food before even coming over to our table, HOW PRESUMPTUOUS THINKING THAT HE HAD A SEAT, and then when he finally came over with his plate of morning slop, saw that he didn’t have a seat at our table, mouthed THANKS and went and found a table behind us ALONE.

Kevin noticed this and said, “Oh no!” and I waved him off. “Oh, he’s fine! We told him we weren’t waiting for him.” Then Pam came back from getting a plate, did a double take when she saw Henry sitting alone and said, “You wanna sit here?”

“NO I’M GOOD,” he said, and then continued to sulk. I was almost in tears, but then Chooch was like, “Now it’s going to look like there’s family drama. This is how rumors get started.”

And I started cracking up even harder.

Don’t worry, after we had eaten and were just sitting around talking with Tim, he came over and said MOVE OVER and scooted onto my side of the banquet seating. What a little bitch.

Then we went up to the room to get our luggage and I realized we only had TEN MINUTES until departure and Tim was very very very adamant about being punctual and said that you will get left behind if you’re not on time, and you’ll have to find your own way to the next park, understandably so.

I kept bitching about this because Chooch and I were all ready to go so Henry yelled JUST GO THEN so we left him, got our own luggage on the bus, and then claimed our seats for the day (same as yesterday because we’re suckers). Sadly, I saw Henry coming out of the hotel and said, “Damn, he made it” and then we started cracking up all over again.

We got to Bon-Bon Land. Had a great day. Then around 1:00PM we were chilling at the exit with Johnny (just another friend we made NO BIG DEAL), about to head back to the bus for our 1:15 departure when Henry realized he didn’t have his phone.

“Oh, did you not get it from the gift shop?” Chooch asked in a bored tone.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” Henry grunted.

“The gift shop at the end of the rapids ride,” Chooch said.

“WHAT RAPIDS RIDE,” Henry snapped.

“THE ONLY RAPIDS RIDE IN THE PARK??” Chooch clapped back. “You had your phone in my bag and I said, ‘why is your phone in my bag? I’m not carrying your phone’ so I was waving it in front of you saying, ‘Here take your phone, take your phone, take it.’ And you ignored me so I put it down next to the candy you were looking at.”


“It’s not my fault you didn’t pick it up,” Chooch said defensively.

“Oh boy,” Johnny said, caught in the middle of a typical Oh Honestly Family argument.

So Henry had to run (LOL ok that’s being generous – he speed-walked, kind of) back to the gift shop. Luckily, the park is very small, and Tim had said that the 1:15 departure time wasn’t strict for this one – we were actually leaving 2 hours earlier than scheduled because the park was so underpopulated that everyone was able to get their credits and still have time to do everything else.

“Should we wait for him?” I asked for the third time that day, and Chooch just started cracking up so we went back to the bus without him.

“He’s so embarrassing!” we both kept taking turns saying.

“What if he would have hit me in front of Johnny?” Chooch said, practically squealing with laughter.

“What if we have a reputation now of being That Family That Fought The Whole Time on the Coaster Crew Norden Adventure?” I laughed, but also I felt nervous about that too.

Back at the bus, most people were just standing around outside, talking. We saw Larry and told him what happened, but were trying not to bray like hyenas. Larry, however, was like, “OH NO! Did you let Tim know?”

We did not let Tim know but said that we would and then ran onto the bus in giggle-tears.

Thankfully (for us, because of embarrassment factors), we saw Henry walking down the sidewalk to the bus, and there were still A LOT of people who weren’t back yet so he wasn’t even close to doing the walk of punctuality shame. We saw him stop to talk to someone so Chooch ran out of the bus to see if he was able to get his phone. I’m watching from the upstairs window, and all I see if Henry pointed at Chooch while talking to someone than Chooch waves his hands and goes, “No no no” and starts telling his side of the story but I can see that he’s trying to not lose it and collapse into laughter. Then Chooch looked up at me and gave me the thumbs up that Henry was able to get his phone.

There were two people sitting a few rows in front of me (Robert and Dawn) and I was like, ‘They are probably wondering why I’m half-standing here, looking out the window and laughing alone at Henry and Chooch gesticulating wildly” so I had to fill them in and god only knows how many people know about this now.

I’m still laughing about this as I type this at 11:30 at night while Henry is snoring so loudly next to me which has sent Chooch to his breaking point (yo, I have to suffer through this every night!!)  so I suggested that we pretend Henry is a dead viking, put him in a boat, set it on fire, and push him out into the sea.

BECAUSE OUR HOTEL TONIGHT IS RIGHT ON THE WATER AND IT IS AMAZING. The sound of the waves is almost blocking out Henry’s animalistic snores.

This concludes a recount of Henry’s series of farty events.

P.S. the picture up there is a dog named Henry from Bon-Bon Land who is also the flatulent star of the DOG FART COASTER.

Say it don't spray it.

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