May 12

When Michiganders Infiltrate

Bill and Jessi (my MICHIGAN friends) came to visit over the weekend for Chooch’s birthday party (more on that later when I’m not coughing up my ghost). Perhaps they think I’m making fun of their state, but the real reason I introduce them as “my Michigan friends” is so everyone will be like, “Wow, Erin is so wonderful that people will drive from MICHIGAN to hang out with her” even though the secret is that most people come for Chooch. Probably my friends walk away thinking, “I don’t even like to cross the Liberty Bridge to hang out with that cunt, but these assholes will drive five hours?”


So I happened to be sick all weekend (and I still am, but at least now I have that phlegmy cough that I love so much) but luckily Alisha came over on Saturday to act as a liaison of sorts. We took the aliens, I mean Michiganers, to Mt. Washington, where they could take in the breathtaking view of our city. And this is where I learned that Alisha moonlights as a Pittsburgh tour guide, because she was whipping her arm all over the place, pointing out buildings and rivers and I think I heard a few dates roll off her tongue too and I was kind of like, “Wow, I lived here my whole life and I did not know that.” And Alisha is from Arkansas!

Still, I was thankful to not have to speak too much, because I was sick. Like, take-me-to-the-nearest-infirmary sick. And to make it worse, Alisha had given me some bogus drug combo and I lost feeling in my finger tips and then I almost fell into the river at one point, too.

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I think I even blacked out and I’m pretty sure Alisha picked my pockets when my consciousness was AWOL.

Bill and Jessi got to ride the incline, which is probably the biggest treat to offer Pittsburgh visitors. Yes, our city is THAT awesome — people can sit in a house that goes up and down a hill. Space Needle what now?

(I am  not the biggest fan of our city, I don’t know if anyone noticed.

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Anyway, on the incline’s return trip, some douche with Wolverine mutton chops sat with us and I thought Jessi was going to slice him because Bill has to have the best ‘chops. “There can only be one!” she kept saying. For what it’s worth, Bill’s are so much better anyway.

I think 45% of the day was spent talking about nasal douches.

Then we ate at Mad Mex with Henry and Chooch and I’m pretty sure our waiter thought that Chooch was Bill’s son and I was growing sicker by the second with the aid of Alisha’s traveling medicine cabinet and all I could think of was the girl on Prom Nightmares who used to be a raver but got out of the scene only to decide to take that one last hit of Ecstacy at her prom and she died, she fucking died, and none of her friends listened to any of her complaints until she past out and then you know what happened? She started to turn BLUE, motherfuckers. BLUE. And then she was in a coma and DIED.

And when I shared this cautionary tale with my dinner companions, they all kind of looked at me stupidly and then said, “Yeah, you’ll be fine.” MY HEART WAS FLUTTERING!!! I am so lucky I made it home that night, for fucking realsies.

Good thing too, because the Penguins won their game that night and I was able to scrounge up just enough energy to cheer.

(On the real, I love these guys. They watched hockey with me and Jessi hates it and didn’t even complain and even said that if she were ever to hit her head real hard and suddenly like hockey, she would be a Penguins fan.

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That, my friends? That is love.)


17 Comments so far

  1. Ami May 12th, 2009 2:44 pm

    Where in Michigan are they from? I want to be friends with them, too! Or is that verboten? Maybe I could chain myself to their car next time so I can see you!

    Also, everytime we watch the Penguins, I have a VIVID image of you having an embolism. It’s funny, but it makes me worry. About you.

  2. Tuna Tar-Tart May 12th, 2009 3:28 pm

    Bill lives in Wayne and Jessi lives in Lansing. You should be their friend, definitely! They are really nice and down-to-earth.

    OMG the Penguins. Don’t even get me started on last night’s heartbreak! :(

  3. Ami May 12th, 2009 3:30 pm

    That’s actually really close to me. Do they have LJ’s?

    I would like to call you maybe sometime this week or weekend…would that be okay?

  4. Jessi May 13th, 2009 4:12 pm

    What a touching tribute, my goodness, I wish I could get the same treatment in the mitt. Wah Woa Wee Wah!

    Erin, I love you to death, no joke. For you I will watch Hockey anytime, though at some point you gotta break down and take us to a Steelers game… I’m just saying…

    Amy, I am empatheticcrush (private) and Billy is daboogmang on livejournal, I’m all for new friends. I hope Bill doesn’t mind me outing him or speaking on his behalf, but I’m not too worried, to him I can do no wrong… We’re still in THAT stage, I know vomit inducing, right? Anyway, where are you from?

    Finally, it’s Michiganders, not Michiganers. As lame as it is I really do love this state and take some pride in it. I travel all over all the time and have lived in many different Michigan climates, it’s great, and has lakes. Great lakes, get it? Man, I am a dork, I digress. One day we’ll get you guys out our way and show you a good time, here’s hoping!

    Jessi´s last blog post..Q&A: Idea Taken From ohe_fondue

  5. Ami May 13th, 2009 4:23 pm

    Hello there! I’m “recant” on LJ, I will add you. I’m from Fremont, kind of by Muskegon, sort of. My brother lives in Lansing. :)

    I’m looking forward to getting to know you both better. Yay for fellow Michiganders!

  6. Alisha May 12th, 2009 3:23 pm

    I still love how you huffed when I asked you to turn the fan off but when Jessi said she was cold you were all like “OMG, LET’S CLOSE THE WINDOW AND TURN THE HEAT ON AND OMGDIDYOUWANTABLANKET, JESSI?! …because she’s a guest.

  7. Tuna Tar-Tart May 12th, 2009 3:29 pm

    AHAHAHAHAHA I forgot about that part and now I’m laughing all over again!

    Also, remember when Henry let you take our car home?? That’s the first time that’s EVER happened.

  8. Alisha May 12th, 2009 3:35 pm

    Well, you know I am a car whore.

  9. Jessi May 13th, 2009 4:16 pm

    Anytime you need anything just send me a text and I’ll ask instead, that’s how you make things happen, with me translating :)

  10. Tuna Tar-Tart May 13th, 2009 10:52 pm

    Among other types of whores.


  11. scintillated May 12th, 2009 6:09 pm

    I’m glad that I got to meet your Michigan buddies on Sunday. THEY ROCK!!!

  12. Tuna Tar-Tart May 12th, 2009 6:53 pm

    I’m glad you got to meet them too. They are such awesome people! I wish they lived closer.

  13. Jessi May 13th, 2009 4:15 pm

    Holy crap, you’re making me blush over here, enough already! We love hanging with you guys too, totally worth the drive!

  14. Tuna Tar-Tart May 13th, 2009 10:55 pm

    I’m glad you think so! I want to come out your way, and I’m hoping that this summer we’ll be able to swing something if you and Bill would be ok with that!

    I knew Michiganers didn’t look right — thank you for correcting me. I’ll fix it!

    Also, I hope you guys don’t get offended when I make fun of your “accents.” I tend to beat things to death. It’s really not even that noticeable!

    I promise I’ll watch a Steelers game with you. If anyone could make me like them, it would be you and Bill!

  15. Jessa May 13th, 2009 7:14 am

    Hey, I’M jealous of your out-of-state friends! I have lots of out-of-state friends, but none that I actually get to physically hang out with. You are totally higher up on the cool-scale than I am, now. ;)

  16. Tuna Tar-Tart May 13th, 2009 1:42 pm

    I’m 99.9% sure that the big draw is Chooch, lol.

  17. Jessi May 13th, 2009 4:13 pm

    Chooch rocks, admittedly, but you’re the main event Erin!

    Jessi´s last blog post..Q&A: Idea Taken From ohe_fondue

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