May 292009

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

  • 16:21 #3wordsaftersex Is that blood? #
  • 16:31 This weekend calls for a horror movie marathon. #
  • 17:01 #3wordsaftersex wait, you’re dead? #
  • 17:02 #3wordsaftersex where’s my penis? #
  • 17:05 Thanks for storing cleaner in a Mountain Dew bottle, Henry. #
  • 17:11 #3wordsaftersex I’m really 12. #
  • 17:12 #3wordsaftersex I’m a priest. #
  • 17:13 #3wordsaftersex peg leg ftw #
  • 20:29 #3wordsaftersex enjoy my AIDS. (Srsly, I’m done now.) #  
  • 21:29 @skyspun I walk unflinchingly through Taboo Town. #
  • 22:15 Chooch enjoys sarcasm, watching people pee, white cheddar Cheezits, & brushing Janna’s hair so it looks “just like daddy’s”. #

  • 01:48 And why should this Spring be any different. #
  • 08:58 It’s going to be weird not seeing @saucalisha this weekend. I hope Henry remembers how to ridicule me on his own. #
  • 11:34 You know that you will always lose this trembling, adored, tousled bird mad girl. /gothy-pout moment. #
  • 20:46 Someday I might be able to listen to “Everlong” without wanting to rip out my heart. But probably not. Oh memories. #
  • 23:51 Oooh lordy child, tomorra’s gon’ be a gud day. #

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  4 Responses to “My tweets probably have a crush on you.”

  1. no i’m a priest and believe me that’s not one of the things i say after sex…anymore.

    • One of my friend’s moms actually knew a priest who would go to other towns to have sex (with women, surprisingly) & then got off by telling them, post-coitus, that he was a priest. I always thought that was so fucking fantastic.

  2. Your tweets are the funniest, hands down. You should have like a million followers by now!

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