Jun 17

Tweets on Parade

Category: tweets

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

  • 01:19 I’ve bribed my kid w/ toys, DVDs, playground trips & ice cream for breakfast, but what got him to use the potty is a fucking sticker chart. #
  • 01:55 I want Hoobastank to break up so I can call them Hoobastunk. Then hopefully Theory of a Dead Man will follow & I’ll call them Wait, Who? #
  • 01:58 Obv I’m using “alternative” radio to lull me. How’s that working, u didn’t ask? About as well as Henry’s back. #myboyfriendisold&icantsleep #
  • 01:59 (If I had said “weener,” he’d have cried, you know.) #
  • 10:08 You know what’s awesome for social anxiety? Going to a parade. #
  • 11:31 After being ditched at St Square for 45min by my gallant boyfriend, we might get to catch 5 min of this parade. #
  • 11:32 And I won’t lie – behind my Olson shades I was crying. #
  • 11:35 Thank God for Tyrone the janitor & his pre-paid cell phone. #
  • 11:47 Somehow we made it & I haven’t choked on my neuroses yet. #
  • 12:08 Of course I would stand on top of a sewer. Would be weird if I didn’t. #
  • 12:44 Totally in tears. #
  • 19:22 Despite a container of black paint exploding on me &getting lost from Henry (I’m an incapable being, remember) today was pretty awesome #
  • 19:32 I could have done without Chooch chanting “you mother fucker” for 10 non-stop minutes, though. He’s since been quieted by a zombie flick. #
  • 20:16 RT @RhondaKibuk: I saw the Stanley Cup today. RT if you did too. #

  • 01:01 Henry claims he hears crying & is walking around turning off fans & radios to hear better inside his imagination. #myboyfriendishaunted #
  • 09:54 Chooch, upon seeing a picture of himself on the computer: “Look at THAT jackass.” #
  • 14:04 Henry & I are playing the “Who Wanted to Break Up First” game & my teeth hurt. #
  • 14:11 And then I corrected his incorrect use of your/you’re so he quit playing. #
  • 20:24 Have convinced Chooch my hair’s to be shorn into a teal-hued faux-hawk tmrw & he’s flipping out. “NO! No no no!That’s just DUMB!” he cried. #
  • 20:26 He’s begging me in high octave, “Mommy don’t do it, plz don’t do it” which I will add to the list of Things That Make By Passers Go WTF. #
  • 00:06 I’m going to Kennywood on Sunday (local amusement park) & I CAN’T FUCKING SLEEP I’M SO EXCITED BITCH OMG. It’s like Xmas Eve every time. #

  • 09:42 Remember when I campaigned to get the school cafeteria to stop doling out tomatoes infused with scorpion DNA? #
  • 09:43 Shit, never mind. That was Emma from Degrassi. I didn’t care enough to make a difference. #
  • 10:08 A rape flashback was never so brutal. (-LY HILARIOUS.) #
  • 14:01 It’s nice to know that if I try to do something nice for myself, after being stuck in the house 24-7 with Damien, I’m being selfish. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter. Now you can rest easy, knowing my (sometimes incriminating) inner-most thoughts, actions and tampon-change. Please do not call the FBI.


2 Comments so far

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