Jun 262009

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

  • 17:59 In the one minute span it took me to order our pizza, I was called “babydoll” “honey girl” and “sweetheart” by the girl on the other end. #
  • 22:22 Very serious about making Bumpit porn into a reality. I think there’s definitely a market for pompadour’d pubes. ‘Bout to get rich. #

  • 01:20 Being told how I should or shouldn’t feel gets old after awhile/8 yrs/all my life. #
  • 10:11 Precious Moments, urine samples, Clay Aiken posters, STDs, Duggar afterbirth: What are Terrible Things to Collect. #
  • 12:08 The ability to turn any situation into a party by launching confetti out ur asshole: #crapsuperpowers. (OR IS IT.) #
  • 12:15 I miss the glory days of floating all day in my pappap’s pool, listening to slow jam mixtapes on a yellow Aiwa walkman, plotting murders. #
  • 13:21 Just chased my nude son down the street. #
  • 20:36 Watching someone try not to puke is in the top 5 of things that make me laugh hardest. #
  • 23:05 So badly do I want to watch @saucalisha put a puzzle together while receiving electrical jolts. #

  • 17:33 Thanks, because it had been way too long since the last time I caught a rock with my teeth. #
  • 19:18 Welp…we kept saying we wanted to see the inside of the new Childrens Hospital. #
  • 19:36 Everyone needs someone like me around during accidents. I add that extra punch of trauma and hysteria. Someone bleeding? Watch as I faint! #
  • 20:19 Thank god we got a young & cute female doctor. She’s the only one who was allowed to touch Chooch’s wound, as he looked down & blushed. #
  • 20:23 Spellcheck changed Chooch’s name to Shoot, might have to adapt that. #
  • 20:23 twitpic.com/8bujl – Welcome back from war, Private Shoot. #
  • 20:52 Watching a 3yo get staples in his head is not something I had on my bucket list. As soon as I scrape my heart off the floor, we’re leaving. #

  • 10:30 It’s good to know that a few staples won’t keep my child from acting like an asshole. #
  • 12:18 To my friends who make their own soap/bath products: does it generally take 3mths+ to make & ship orders? Just wondering. #
  • 13:39 RIP Farrah Fawcett. #
  • 14:21 I’m so glad Chooch now drinks his juice like a contestant on Silent Library, complete with dry heaves & riotous sprays of saliva & liquid. #
  • 20:27 Made a Twitter solely for my art shit. If you’re interested in updates, etc, add it! @somnambulantart #
  • 22:44 Every ten minutes it’s “Watch, my staples!” & “Don’t touch my staples!” It’s bringing back memories of what I was like after the C-section #
  • 22:46 Except that once my staples were removed, it turned into “watch my incision!!” & I dragged that out for 6mths. OK, a year. #

  • 00:56 Degrassi, I’m “sorey” but your spirit squad blows. #
  • 11:15 Giving Chooch his first taste of the “Thriller” video. I still can’t believe my first celeb crush is dead! (Shut up, he used to be hot.) #
  • 15:52 On the 653th viewing of the Thriller video. I should have known better. #
  • 15:55 As the latest play-back comes to an end, Chooch wants everyone to know that it’s his “jam.” And now he’s lovingly holding the CD.
  • 16:58 If I were a farmer, I’d hire German girls to be my apple pickers and then beat them with a belt while they baked me streudel.

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  3 Responses to “If Tweets Die In 3s, Hopefully Mine Will Be Next”

  1. BumpIt Merkins.

    Erin, you will be a millionaire. I only want 10% for the idea!

    Sorry to hear about Chooch. The page about not being indestructable must have been missing from his pre-birth manual. :(

    • Oh Eve, it was horrific! I’m surprised that we’ve only had two trips to the ER so far (KNOCK ON WOOD) what with the way he acts like Jackass Jr. The kid has no fear!

      • Mine don’t, either. Somehow I’ve managed to escape the ER so far (knocking on the same wood!). Mine are more clumsy than daredevilish. I can handle blood, and we’ve spilled copious amounts, but I dread the day it’ll be something worse.

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