Oct 20

more of those lame tweet things

Category: tweets

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

  • 11:51 Looking for something to watch, I go to Chooch, “How about ‘Glee’?” In his typical surly manner he retorts, “How about NOT ‘Glee’.” Ew. #
  • 13:04 I need a couple hours under a sun lamp. And a job. #
  • 15:00 I wish I had an experimental mylar flying saucer to send Henry off in. #
  • 16:18 If you ever need half a wall painted, Henry’s for hire. #
  • 17:29 Tired of pretending everything’s ok. Just tried to will the top of my head to pop off. #
  • 20:46 Dear son, here is where you learn about hypocrisy: plz take pictures of someone other than me, thanks. #
  • 23:17 Hay look @ the dumb! Halloween Store Videos are the New Lullabies: Chooch is so obsessed wi.. bit.ly/16fXul #
  • ***
  • 13:09 Our friends @daboogmang & @bed_in_revolt are visiting from MI, & all Chooch can think about is showing them the crawling guy @ Spirit. #
  • 18:45 If Just Sitting There was an Olympic sport, the Committee would think Henry was cheating because he’d be THAT good. #
  • 21:22 Bill and Jessi brought me a bottle of some homemade alcoholic concoction called APPLE PIE and I’m a second away from drunken bliss. #
  • 21:44 Jessi managed to get blitzed before me. Hopefully she passes out soon so I can harvest her kidneys. #
  • 21:49 Chooch dialed 666 on Henry’s phone. When asked what he wanted to say to the Devil, Chooch goes, “I wanna tell him, ‘You motherfucker.'” O.o #
  • 22:22 @awoodhick & @daboogmang are embro iled in a lively discussion of Faygo and it’s economical merits. Lamest Friday night convo EVER. #
  • 23:41 I wish someone would make me their sideline ho. #
  • ***
  • 01:08 Henry just said, “It can’t be that good – Cameron Diaz is in it” & I laughed so hard that I coughed then sneezed. Definitely drunk then. #
  • 10:49 My blog averages 22,000 unique visits a month & you’d never know it. #
  • 12:23 Jesus Christ, Chooch is a book bully. He makes librarians weep. #
  • 13:00 twitpic.com/lw36w – Getting acquainted with Mr Bill #
  • 13:00 Chooch became enthralled w/ the Mr Bill toy in Bill’s van, & is now watching the videos on Henry’s phone. The van is filled w/ “Oh nooo”s. #
  • 13:07 On the way to the Halloween store, Bill and Jessi are having private convos in the front of the van. The audacity! #
  • 14:18 Henry’s using his restaurant voice. Which is to say he’s mumbling in low decibels. #
  • 14:24 Abou t to find out if Kelly O’s Diner deserves it’s spot on Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives, because the Dor-Stop sure didn’t. #
  • 14:25 twitpic.com/lwi2o – The bathroom here is a moment in awkwardness. #
  • 14:42 Minute 40 of refusing to pee in the bathroom/supply closet here. #
  • 16:39 I wish the world could have seen the standoff between Bill & Jessi and my cat Marcy. It was a treat. #
  • 18:43 Janna wants to be a realtor for “really really cute towns” & I was so disgusted that I tossed my trash in her bag of Ritz crackers. #
  • 20:30 Freddy Kreuger totally hooked me up with Michael Myers and I seriously had heart swelling. #
  • 21:37 Janna, in regards to The Lost Boys: “It’s a damn good movie.” How has she not been hired by a newspaper as a film critic? #
  • 23:12 Hay look @ the dumb! getting drunk off apple pie: I’ve been in a slight mental rut lat.. bit.ly/lSFIw #
  • ***
  • 13:22 It’s a good thing not all humans are plagued with anatomical sensitivity like me, or we’d have no doctors. Also probably no serial killers. #
  • 16:55 I wish you (the Internet) could have seen @awoodhick flinch when I pretended to throw a ball of clay at him. His moustache even quivered. #
  • 19:10 It’s official: Chooch has his own Flickr account. flickr.com/photos/crawling_guy This can’t end well. #
  • 20:46 Henry’s reading a book to Chooch & he sounds uncannily like me when I had to read aloud from a book for a play. IN FIRST GRADE. #
  • 21:13 Hopes to never be classified as a “mommy blogger.” #
  • 21:38 Remember when @daboogmang wouldn’t buy @bed_in_revolt a bunny & 180 orphans lost their liv es? What a fucker. #
  • 23:39 Hay look @ the dumb! dreams and shit: Yesterday, Jessi won the title of Best Fiancee in the .. bit.ly/EiOAX #
  • ***
  • 00:54 Every last broad on the FLN Smart Tips segments needs skull fucked. Real talk. #
  • 15:28 Anytime I see George Parros, I think I’m watching vintage #NHL footage from the ’70s, god love him. #
  • 16:26 If you strummed my nerves, death metal would likely blow your face off. #
  • 16:48 I’d stab my way through a wall of altar boys to get to sushi. #
  • 00:19 I’m constantly glimpsing Leatherface’s silhouette in the frosted window of my front door. Exhilarating. #
  • 10:01 The fabulous @MrsBsConfession is giving away one of my pendants for the 20th Day of Halloween! Visit silvermoonwitch.blogspot.com #
  • 10:24 Me: “Hockey’s on tonight!” Chooch, gesturing disgustedly to NHL TV: “Um, it’s ALWAYS on!” #

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4 Comments so far

  1. Kim Campbell October 20th, 2009 6:50 pm

    New follower from Mrs’ B’s!!!

    I’m in love with Monore from you etsy shop. He’s a cutie! My daughter lives in Pitt too.

  2. Tuna Tar-Tart October 20th, 2009 9:40 pm

    Hi Kim, thanks for the comment! I like meeting new people:)

    Is your daughter a fan of the Penguins?

  3. scintillated October 24th, 2009 11:13 am

    Hey now, I LIKE the Dor-Stop!!!!!

  4. Tuna Tar-Tart October 24th, 2009 11:21 am

    Really? I was completely underwhelmed and unimpressed. I thought the food was mediocre, the place was dirty, and the service was shitty. The service was actually the nail in the coffin for us.

    I was actually so pissed off about it that I had to force myself not to write a review because it would be so vulgar, lol. We call it the Crap-Stop now.

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