May 072018

It’s been awhile since I did a “fun fact” post thingie and I’m feeling super open and loose-lipped today (loose-fingertipped? SINCE I’M TYPING?) so why not.

  1. I had frozen custard for the first time in 1997 at Century III Mall with a garbageman I met at a Steve Miller concert that summer. I was 18, his name was Justin, and we had nothing in common.

2. I sent this screenshot to Henry today and said “I HAVE ALWAYS HATED OLIVER NORTH” and he was like “why” and I was like “YOU HONESTLY DONT KNOW?!” So I had to tell him the story about how back in the day, whenever he was getting in trouble for whatever bad thing he did, Days of Our Lives was always getting interrupted to show news coverage!!! “Yeah I knew it had to be something stupid,” Henry mumbled, leaving me all fired up.

3. Another time when I was a kid, pre-Oliver North hating though, I was at Kennywood with my dad’s goddaughter Kristen. She was a year older than me and nice. Seriously, I can’t say a single bad thing about her. So we’re at Kennywood and about to get off this ride called The Enterprise which is like a Ferris wheel that starts out on its side but then starts spinning really fast as it stands up so you’re going upside down and nothing but centrifugal force is keeping you alive. So we’re getting off this thing and as I’m stepping off, the car swings back into me and catches the back of my heel (I just asked Henry what that part of the foot is called and he thinks it’s the Achilles’ tendon thing but look, we’re not doctors).

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Yeah so this huge chunk of amusement park metal clips the back of my foot-thing and CUTS IT so I’m crying and like, “Oh my god did it take my foot?! Did it take the whole foot?” But no, my foot was still there. Anyway, I just remembered this the other day because I was walking in place while watching a k-drama (I’m currently watching Evergreen and it’s lovely) when I walked into the coffee table backward and CLIPPED THAT SAME BODY PART off the bottom of the table and it was like flashback city up in here, double the pain because I had the present injury to tend to while the memories of the past Enterprise-wound came flooding back and I was screaming. Just screaming. Henry was like “You’re fine” and then I realized I only had like 20,009 steps so I stopped screaming and started walking again.

But then! A few days later, I was watching another drama (Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo — excellent!! Highly recommend!!) when the main guy is wearing shoes that are too small and his SAME BODY PART gets all cut up and he’s bleeding back there through his socks and it reminded me of later that night when I got home from Kennywood and my SOCK (it was peach and like, netted if that makes sense) was STUCK TO THE NOW-DRIED BLOOD ON MY ‘THAT BODY PART’ and I had to soak it in the bathtub to get it to peel off so then that was twice in a week that Present Day Me was writhing in phantom pain, and oh hey here we go for round three.

[Korean drama sidebar: If you have ever watched a Korean drama, you might know that the “Wrist Grab” is something that the men do to their women, which sounds sooooooooooo 1950s, women are subordinates, get back in the kitchen, etc etc., but it somehow comes off as SO HOT AND ROMANTIC. “I wish you would grab me by the wrist like that,” I sighed over the weekend, and a sardonic guffaw mouth-farted out of Henry. “Yeah, I can only imagine how fast you’d backhand me if I did that!” But then we were in the kitchen later that weekend, and as he turned to leave the room, he grabbed my wrist and started to pull me with him.

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My kneejerk reaction was to resist and then knock him out with a frying pan, but then I realized what he was doing and we both started cracking up BECAUSE THIS DOES NOT WORK FOR US AT ALL. Good effort though, Henry. Sorry I almost murdered you.]

4. I have smrobably referenced this on here before but when I was in middle school, I went to Lake Chataugua with my friend Liz and her family. Liz’s younger sister Jane accidentally said “smrobably” instead of “probably” and for some reason, this has been a permanent resident in my vocabulary bank since 1992 and Henry absolutely hates it because it will come rushing out of my mouth during even the most serious conversations. I can’t help it! I love how it sounds! Anyway, Liz and I have had infrequent contact since high school, but she DM’d me on Instagram last week to tell me that Lost Boys is playing at a theater down the street from her in Boston and it made me think of her, so I of course told her about how Henry rues the day she ever invited me to her lake house because I have been verbally assaulting him with a fictional word for years, and when I told him I told her, Henry was like, “What did she say? I bet she doesn’t even remember it” and I slowly said, “Well…she hasn’t responded to me….” and I started to feel bad for myself because I have this knack for latching on to very minute moments that everyone else seems to forget right away but I carry it with me against my chest like a badge of friendship for the rest of my life even though it’s clearly insignificant to everyone else involved. So then I just felt dumb because of course Liz hadn’t answered me in a day — she was probably thinking I was confusing a memory of someone else with her, and how awkward. But then a day later, she did respond and said she would have to tell Jane what I said, and that’s how I know she remembered BECAUSE I NEVER SAID I GOT IT FROM JANE! So there, Henry. I was so smug after that, but you smrobably already figured as much.

5. BONUS FACT ABOUT HENRY: Henry is very specifically judgmental about people. It’s never in an ‘Oh honey, I’m so much better than you” social-status kind of way, but more of a “Do It The Blue Collar Way or GTFO” sense.

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For instance, I was watching one of my favorite Korean vloggers tonight and in her new video, she was doing an unboxing and while maybe someone else would hate on her out of jealousy because she’s getting free shit sent to her, Henry honed in something that probably no one else noticed or gave a shit about: the way she was handling her box-cutter. “OH, THAT’S A GOOD WAY TO GET CUT. YEAH, SHE’S GOING TO CUT HERSELF. IDIOT,” Henry angrily huffed in a very Ron Swanson-type of way. He hates seeing people use tools incorrectly. This is why I’m not even allowed to use a regular kitchen knife so he can’t really complain when I’m waking him up at night holding out an apple for him to cut for me because the apple is too big for the apple slicer and not only that BUT I AM AFRAID OF THOSE THINGS AFTER ONE NEARLY SPLIT MY HAND INTO EIGHTHS!!

Well, now you know more about me and I’m laughing because one time some girl I knew on the Internet, only vaguely, decided I wasn’t paying enough attention to her and started yelling (you know, in all caps) about how all I ever do is write about myself, and I was like, “I mean my blog is called Oh Honestly Erin, so….”

  4 Responses to “Monday Me-Stuff”

  1. PHEW — for a moment there, I thought you were going to have a horrible story about Kristen. I’d hate that there would be someone that would be a bad reflection on my name, lol. You know how there are some names where everyone you meet that has that name is just awful? Anyhow, selfish comment by me, but I had to share! :)

    • Yes I know what you mean! But seriously this girl and her whole family were so freaking nice but then her dad disappeared and it turned out, I am not kidding, that he ran off and joined a cult in the mountains. Literally grew a huge beard and wore robes!

  2. This is seriously one of my favoritest posts, and I don’t even know why.

Say it don't spray it.

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