May 282018

“Do you think I should LiveBlog the parade? Hello? Why is no one answering me?”

“Ugh, why would you want to, nothing ever happens?! I mean I guess you can—” Chooch groaned.

“Ok I’ll do it since you want me to!

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And that’s how this Memorial Day parade LiveBlog was born.

But first, before the parade starts, SHINee’s back!!! And here is their new video!! I’m trying not to be all doom and gloom because there’s obviously no Jonghyun, which is really weird and leaves a gaping hole in the heart, but this song is really great, I mean truly superb, and I mean, Taemin. Oh for the love of Taemin.

9:46am: Chooch has summoned the neighbor kid to sit on our porch and Henry just looked out the door and said, “I hope they’re going to sit somewhere else” because neighbor kid has a very high-pitched cartoon voice and it drives Henry nuts. The parade starts at 10 but people have been set up since like 8, it’s so bizarre to me because this parade is the lamest and if I had to go any farther than my front porch to spectate…

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well, best believe that would never happen, so.

10:02am: Blake, Haley, and Calvin are here now (they walked really far across the front yard to get here) and we’re outside having a lovely conversation about Keds.

Calvin loves Chooch!

10:16am: Chooch kept saying this lady was walking around yelling at people. “Ha! She just yelled at Pita*!” Chooch scoffed. But then she got to our sidewalk and said, “Hey guys! Come down to the church down there after the parade! free hotdogs and a bouncy house! It’ll be a good time!”

Yeah, she really told us, Chooch!

*(Pita – Chooch’s frenemy down the street. Not his real name.)

10:18: Some lady somehow made it through the barricades and drove right into the parade. What a Janna thing to do.

10:20: Parade’s starting with a sound we know well here in Brookline – police sirens. See also: Henry’s favorite part of the parade. HE IS A COP SLUT.

“THEYRE NOT ALL BAD!” Henry yelled at me. And then under his breath, “Though, the motorcycle ones all seem to be dicks.

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10:22am: Candy’s being tossed at us but it’s getting mixed up with the glass and smashed car parts from that huge accident a few weeks ago, because NED came back yesterday to get his car which was a casualty of the accident so now all the debris beneath it is exposed. Oh Pioneer Ave.

10:24am: All these cars are parading past with In Memory of Donald James signs but we don’t know who that is. And Chooch just threw a melted Nestle Crunch at us.

10:26am: Sparky the Fire Dog came running over and Chooch got all excited until Sparky passed him up for Calvin lol.

10:34am All the little cars are my favorite part of the parade and now it’s over so what’s the point:

Now one of the high school bands are oozing past and I’m reminded of a Memorial Day about 6 years ago when I was working and Henry texted me to say that one of the band people threw an empty water bottle in our yard and I was like OH NO THEY DIDNT and i sent the SUPERINTENDENT an email voicing my displeasure and you best believe I received an apology from him and the band director thank you. (Also I emailed them from my work email which is a Law Firm lol.)

10:39am: Chooch has little kids bringing him candy like they’re his bread shuttles. (THATS KOREAN SLANG FOR THE KIDS BULLIES USE AS THEIR LACKEYS. My blog is so educational.)

1048am: I guess I would be zealously clapping like my neighbor is if I gave a shit about this country. Sigh.

Henry has no comment regarding the parade at this time.

10:53am: Just saw my friend Elaina walk by with the local dance studio! I like knowing people in the parade. It makes me feel like I have worth.

10:54am: The Teen Outreach Center just walked by and they all screamed RILEY!!!! and pelted Chooch with candy lol. Chooch calls the teen outreach center “the cult” and says they’re all hooligans lol.

11:03am: Ok the parade is over. I didn’t get to see any children fall this time but Chooch collected the most candy he’s ever collected probably just because Blake was there to coach him this time. He always leaves half of the candy in the street!!

Well guys, happy Memorial Day if you’re an American and happy Monday to the rest of you. We’re going to go and melt in the ninety degree sun now.

Also, P.S. I want to start my own dance studio so next year we can be in the parade sashaying down the Boulevard to Kpop and by we I mean probably just me and Janna because who else will I ever be able to wrangle?

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