Jun 1


Hey boy. Hey girl. It’s the end of another workweek and here are 5 photos & 5 bullets that I would like to share.

On Tuesday, I was outside on my break and for one fleeting, frozen moment in time I thought I was about to get punched by some Yinzer-skinhead hybrid who glared straight at my face like he knew me and I wronged him and his whole white trash family, and just as I was beginning to cower against the side of the Benedum Center, he veered to his left and stalked away. IT WAS SO SCARY. And then the next day, another man gave me a flower for no reason (and not because he wanted money, like Henry the Callous D-Bag insinuated). You never know what you’re going to get here in downtown Pittsburgh, you guys. You just never know.

We didn’t use the backporch at all over the winter because it was too cold and Henry the Tightwad wouldn’t buy a space heater (or A KEROSENE HEATER, like I really wanted) so we basically just kept that door shut for months. But now that it’s been consistently above 60 degrees, that room is being used almost primarily by the cats (this is their favorite room in the house!) but also this is where Henry sometimes eats his dinner, sitting in one of the wheelchairs, because I’m busy hogging the living room with my kpop cardio and I don’t want him to watch me (it’s different when we’re doing it together, OK?!). Anyway, I’m excited to start filling this room with plants again because I’m a sucker.

Today, since it’s June 1st, I pulled out the next SHINee calendar for my desk area and was super excited to see that it’s TAEMIN for the month of June! I giddily hung it up and when Carrie turned around to tell me she wanted fruit salad, I gave the Taemin calendar my best Vanna White hand-flourish and said, “OK but look at this beautiful, perfect face!” and she was just like, “But…it’s not fruit.” Then a few minutes later, I thought she was walking by from behind me so I spun around in my seat to point out Taemin to her again, but it was someone else who I don’t know every well and we made eye contact while I was in mid-Vanna and then I slowly turned back toward my computer. Everyone there already thinks I’m weird, so it wasn’t a very big deal.

Then I took a picture of it and emailed it to Glenn and Todd, my ex-neighbors, and Glenn said he didn’t realize how empty his life was.

I went to Allegheny Coffee to get some ch-ch-chai and saw these wonderful tip jars and wished I had a buck to smash into the “or nah” vessel. Kenny Chesney plays here every summer at Heinz Field and brings alllllll the redneck riffraff to the yard. They trash the city, cause fights, piss and puke everywhere, get arrested. It’s just madness and I will be sure to avoid the entire downtown area tomorrow, thanks.

Also, the barista told me I had lipstick on my teeth and I appreciated that.

Then I saw this super tall guy on my way back and I was excited to take his picture. HE IS SO TALL. He had to have been 7 feet.

Some other things from this week that I want to remember:

  • I made a new friend on KakaoTalk from Korea! He asked me how old I am and said he was surprised because he thought I was around his age (29!!) so he said, “You’re 누나 (noona)” which means, like, “older sister” and I was like, “Thank you, 친구 (chingu/friend) for not calling me 아줌마 (ajumma/middle-aged woman, or married woman with kids)!” This was a huge deal and I ran over to show Chooch who muttered, “Oh my god.”
  • Carrie got a small hole in the back of her dress today and no one had a safety pin so she was like, “Erin, will you staple this?” and I was already performing warm-up clicks of my stapler before she even had a chance to finish her sentence. And so I gave her dress three good staples and relished every moment because it was SO DANGEROUS and THRILLING. Lori said I had a scary devious look on my face. It was almost as exciting as the time Jeannie asked me to cut her hair during late shift! (Seriously, she put her hair in a ponytail and had me chop it off but she wouldn’t let me use my personal scissors that are stained with fake-blood; she provided her own.)
  • Speaking of Lori, she told me she went to the kpop section of iTunes and felt overwhelmed so I took it upon myself to (giddily) make her a list of some of my favorites, complete with legit footnotes. Then I almost emailed it to the wrong person but maybe she would have liked it too? Then my pal Valarie suggested that I do something like this for my blog because she would be interested in some recommendations and maybe other people would too, so then I thought maybe I could make a kpop101 playlist WOULD YOU LISTEN TO IT IF I DID Y OR N.
  • Oh shit I forgot to mention in my Memorial Day post that we went to Ulta and the thing I got (some Klorane hairspray shit) had a sign that said ANY KLORANE PURCHASE COMES WITH A FREE SOMETHING but I forget what the something was, some sample-sized of hair oil or something, and Henry was like, “Oh I am taking a picture of this with my phone for sure” and sure enough, we went up to pay and the young lavender-haired broad was like, “Thanks come again” as she handed the bag to Henry & Henry was like “where is my free gift” & the girl was like “???” so Henry pulls out his phone & is all “this sign here says I get a free gift, see” & I guess the sign was a mistake (so she says) but she still gave him some kind of manly body wash sample.
  • Our system was down again yesterday and Regina was like, “I wish [system] was a person—” and Carrie cut in to say, “Yeah, so we can punch it in the face!!!” And Regina slowly said, “Well, I was going to say so we could say encouraging things to it, but OK.” I dunno, I’m with Carrie. I would have roundhoused it in the balls after she punched it in the face.

3 Comments so far

  1. Carrie June 1st, 2018 10:01 pm

    Fruit and face punching- we clearly have the most exciting section of the department!

  2. Carrie June 1st, 2018 10:02 pm

    And don’t forget dress stapling!

  3. Valarie June 4th, 2018 4:50 pm

    OK I love this whole post, but mostly I get all excited b’c OMG I made the blog! And where’s that Kpop starter list? Seriously, I’m excited!

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