Mar 192008

1. LOST IN THE RAIN: It had been raining intermittedly all day and the sky was pretty, OK — very, overcast. But I still thought it would be Great Idea #465768 to go for a walk. I made it a few blocks before it began raining again; drizzling at first. It was in the fifties today and the rain felt kind of warm and refreshing. So I kept walking.

Another block or two and the rain started to pick up. The drizzles had turned into big fat drops that smacked off me in sort of an unkind manner. "It’ll slow down," I thought, and perservered another few blocks.

Soon, I was about a trillion miles away from home and the rain was coming down in torrents. My sweatshirt was so soaked through that the simple task of walking became more strenuous, like walking with a  toddler on your back. My jeans — drenched. The bottoms of them had been dragged through one puddle too many and made me feel like I was stepping with ankle weights. My hair slapped against my melting face in sopping ringlets. All the people passing me in their cars were probably laughing, but I couldn’t SEE them so what did I care.

At one point, I realized that I couldn’t tell where I was. I was afraid I was going to get ingested into the bowels of Brookline, not being able to see, but I just kept making lefts and eventually some of the blurred blobs I was squinting to make out began to look familiar.

2. A SERIES OF EYESIGHT AND BALANCE MALFUNCTIONS:  Before I left for work, I tripped over the baby gate on my way upstairs. I guess because in my present state of semi-blindness, I mis-gauged the height of it and the toes of my shoe clipped the top. I tried to catch myself, but ended up sprawled across the bottom three steps anyway. Hoping that Henry didn’t see, I quickly looked over to where he was sitting, but we made direct eye contact. He rolled his eyes and didn’t even inquire about my well-being. Right after that, I was walking across the living room and my right foot got caught in the hem of my left pant leg (I was wearing my dumb long people jeans) and I did a very graceful lunge, landed with arms akimbo, and promptly said, "I meant to do that." I don’t think Henry bought it.

When I got in the car to go to work, I hadn’t even pulled away from the curb before nearly crashing, because I had the car in reverse when I floored it and came nauseatingly close to kissing a telephone pole.

3. BROKEN HANDS AND REFLEXES: I didn’t realize how bad I hurt my hand during my daring baby gate hurdle until I got to work and tried to lift the coffee pot, nearly dropping it against my chest as the pain spread up my arm. I mean, I knew it was broken, but not THIS broken. I’m trying to ignore it but every so often it feels like the skin is burning. I don’t know what that means. And then sometimes it feels numb. So I moved my mouse pad over the left side of my keyboard and I’m attempting to convince my left hand that it can handle this new life change, but it doesn’t seem willing to cooperate. I’m not asking it to get a sex change, for Christ’s sake, I just want it to cradle the fucking mouse. I keep highlighting the whole screen by accident and then my left arm jolts and jerks forward like I suddenly have some sort of reflex defect now too.

Everything goes to hell when I can’t see.

EDIT!!! So I deduced that my hand was feeling numb because I had two hair elastics wrapped around my wrist too tightly. That doesn’t, however, change the fact that my hand is broken.

Also, I make no apologies for the myriad of typos I’ve been making in my current state of blindness.

  10 Responses to “Three Reasons Why Today (3-19-08) Can Choke on a Dick”

  1. Okay, the more I read your blog, the more freaked out I get by how alike we are. And I don’t mean because I get my toes caught on the inside of pant legs and fall down a lot… because I definitely don’t do that.

  2. You are right – there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with today.

    I am here to give you a good old fashioned internet hug:

    ’cause your day sounds particularly blow-y. :/

  3. Best lines:

    “The drizzles had turned into big fat drops that smacked off me in sort of an unkind manner.

    He rolled his eyes and didn’t even inquire about my well-being.”

    You poor dear! All this from your contacts bothering you! How IS your well-being, anyway?

    • Thank you for asking about my well-being! Mostly I’m alright, just not seeing too well. I’m supposed to be putting these drops in my eyes but I keep forgetting because they don’t hurt or irritate me, so I have no annoyances to use as a reminder.

      I go back next Friday — so no contacts until then or he’ll know!

  4. Um, here’s my day:

    Got on plane in San Francisco at 9:25 pm Tuesday night, which was technically 12:25 am Wednesday, which was the day that sucked. So, ok. Managed to sleep thru most of the 6-hour flight. Woke up with a crick in my neck, as happens. Got off the plane, found my luggage (backpack & pully suitcase), discovered that the handle on the pullable suitcase had gotten busted on the trip. Yippee.

    Waited for 1/2 hour for the bus to the train station. Arrived at 6:30 am. Discovered that the next train to Rhode Island wasn’t for another 2 hours. Neat.

    Sat around the train station for 2 hours, intermittently falling asleep, which was stupid. Kept waking up freaked out that someone’d stolen my wallet or my bag, though both were unlikely as I was sleeping on my wallet and my bag weighed a million pounds. Finally got on the train, proceeded to sleep through that ride. Got off the train to freezing rain.

    Had to trek to the bus plaza, which isn’t far unless you’re completely exhausted, achy, sick (I’m still recovering from that goddamned cold), soaked, cold, and dragging a 30-pound bag by a broken handle while carrying another 30-pound bag on your back.

    The next bus wasn’t for 30 minutes. 30 more minutes of waiting … in the rain and cold, jacketless.

    1 hour on the bus, making every stupid-ass tiny stop along the way, and I was FINALLY at my car.

    I got home at 12. 6 1/2 hours of traveling after 6 hours of flying. I took off my clothes and got into bed until about 8:30 pm.

    So: yesterday can suck it. SO HARD.

  5. i hope your hand is ok!!!

    you need glasses.

Say it don't spray it.

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