what the tweet

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 15:59 Just gave myself a tracheotomy. #
• 16:00 Just refilled my coffee mug from my trach hole. People applauded and some guy in a hat gave me a dollar for my effort. #
• 18:18 Hair appt tmrw. Thinking of having it shaved, nay — scalped, and replaced with a permanent plastic beehive.#
• 23:12 Thinking of ways to steal Eleanore’s scissors. Who knew coupon-cutting could create such a cacophony? #
• 23:30 HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO CUT SHIT FOR EIGHT HOURS??????? Are there even that many coupons and fingernails OMFG. #
• 09:11 Lazytown dance party, heeee-eeey. #
• 15:17 I wish dramatic soap opera music followed me around all day. Will make that happen. #
• 17:47 Nothing blocks out annoying co-worker phone convos better than Punk Goes Crunk, muthafucka. (Originally typed ‘mouthfucka,’ holla.) #
• 21:59 straight up now tell me, is it gonna be mac n cheese forever. wish i was fucked in a hit and run. #

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